Almost Innocent

Have you ever intentionally blinded yourself to what God is saying to you? Have you ever covered your ears and yelled at the top of your voice just so that you can avoid hearing that still quiet voice that urges you to be the best you can be? I have, probably I’m actually doing that right now, but sometimes some of the things it asks, however noble they may seem, seem way out there…

Have you ever heard of a Christian pirate? Yeah, there are quite a few out there, a few who find it very easy to rationalize that what they are doing is not wrong, cannot possibly be wrong given the alternative…

I live in a country where it is virtually impossible to get one’s hands on the original thing, the genuine thing, at least, that’s what I tell myself. If I want music, especially the kind that I listen to, I am going to have to pay through my nose to get it, and even then, I will still be paying another pirate to get it for me, paying him a lot of money to do for me what I can already do for myself…and so easily too!! If I want to watch a movie and I miss watching it in the single cinema in the country, it’s gone unless I go to a video library that [surprise surprise] only lends out bootlegs, same goes for all the TV series that seem to demand you keep up with them…

So that’s my excuse, I cannot get the genuine thing even though I wanted to… but does God really want excuses? Time and again the message is made clear, we are not of this world, we are not meant to conform to this world, just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it right… I could go on – easily. And every time we hear that message, we ignore it… at least, I do, even now it feels like I am intentionally blocking out what I don’t want to hear, I want to be a Christian on my terms, not on His, is that really fair?

Christ came to earth, for our sake, for my sake he was tempted, just like I am tempted, probably even more so, but He always had an answer, an answer I am reluctant to give, coz after all, I am “almost innocent”… almost, that’s the important word here. It doesn’t seem so bad after all, can’t see anyone I’m hurting… but still, it is wrong.

I know what I’m writing probably isn’t making much sense, but I’m working it out as I go along, so bear with me… for my sake, Christ died on the cross, not for any sin that He had committed, but for my sin, and for what? So I can go on and claim to be almost innocent? Somehow it just doesn’t seem like enough.

We are called to live a pure life, a clean life, and yes, it is hard sometimes, really hard, but He has made sure we have all the tools we need, not to conform to this world, but to transform it. Maybe we need to start by listening to Him, by doing all that he asks us to do without question, without holding back, without refusing to listen just because we don’t like the sound of what He is saying…

Talent

For some reason these days I can only seem to write after I admit that I can’t write, give up after a fashion and just doodle on the page, or maybe just keep on with the mantra; “I cannot write, I cannot write, I cannot write…”

Doesn’t really make much sense to me, but maybe it’s because well, I cannot write on my own; I have to surrender that talent, that gift that I have been blessed with back into His hands before He can work through me to come up with something beautiful…

I guess only then will I not let it get to my head; cuz I know somewhere; I cannot write, sure I can, but I can’t… yeah, I know I’m not really making much sense…

But then again, right now I am trusting God rather than my skill to get the message through, whatever message it is this time, cuz I myself do not fully understand it; not yet anyway.

But just think about it; we all have talents; skills at which we excel without even trying, and yeah, I guess it is only human for us to think that “yeah, I’m good!!” I mean, I’m a writer, really, at least I think of myself as one :)…but I guess when I really think about it, I’m not as good as I would like to believe, not as good as I would have you believe. Sure, I write the words, arrange somehow find the right words to use and the right order to put them in, but it takes God to breathe life into them, takes him to add the feeling…

Making sense yet? I can write, I know I can write, but with His grace, I can write even better… so I know that this gift, this talent was entrusted to me by God. Sure, He let me choose what to do with it, it’s not like I cannot make any sense if I just write what I choose when I choose; but how much more alive it feels when I just surrender!! When I just let the words flow and trust Him to make sense of them; nothing matches this feeling; this peace that I get just from this simple act… it’s a pleasure that I cannot even start to describe; and yeah, in a way I am trying to give back at least a tiny bit, tithing my talent you could call it.

Well what do you know; my musing has churned out something long enough to be a blog post!! And my class seems to be starting, so…

Just think about it, think of the talents you have, the talents you have been blessed with; and how much more they could be if you just let God work through you…

(I actually wrote this post in while sitting in church waiting for a class to start.)

Have a blessed week.

Prayer

Do you ever take the time to just speak to God? And I don’t mean “pray” in its traditional meaning where one maybe sings a bunch of songs, then kneels down and says a fervent prayer; thanking God, asking Him for whatever; guidance, blessing, their next meal… I mean just take the time to just talk to God, bring Him up to speed with what’s happening in your life, He is after all the greatest friend we will ever have…

Now I can take a guess at what you’re thinking; He already knows what’s happening in my life, He knows where I’m coming from, where I am, where I’m going, even more than I do!! True, but does that mean you can’t speak to Him? Can’t just say it anyway? If you’re married, your spouse definitely knows you love them, but that doesn’t stop you from telling them every once in a while, and it doesn’t stop that fuzzy warm feeling you get when you hear it… think about it, wouldn’t you want to give God that warm fuzzy feeling? I know I would!!

I guess for me it has always been different. Before anything else, for some reason I’ve always thought of God as a good friend, even before I got born again. I was the kind (still am) who would preface a prayer with “Hey Big Guy…” and then go on to lay it all on Him, rarely was I ever asking for an answer, usually I was just seeking to understand something, and sure enough, by the time I was done, something seemed to have clicked into place, somehow, however skewed things were at the time they started to make just enough sense to keep me going on… kinda like having a really cheap shrink; and one I’m sure is not in it for the money, but just for me, just for me…

To this day that’s the only way I can really pray, I just talk, and I know that He’s listening. “Traditional” prayer you ask? Well… you know the way people can go on and on seemingly for hours on end “placing their supplications and thanksgiving” before God? I cannot do that! I keep asking myself how many ways can there possibly be to say the same thing? And why do they have to say it over and over again, I’m pretty sure He heard them the first time!!

I’m not saying it’s wrong or anything, I’ve actually caught myself a couple of times wishing I could pray like that, sometimes it just seems so spiritual!! But then there are those times when I really need to talk to God and I’m glad I don’t need to go into the politics of finding the right Bible verse to quote back at God to make myself understood, I just speak and I know for certain that He has heard me, the He is there for me no matter what… and the beauty of it; I can pray anywhere, anytime; whether I’m walking, cooking, cleaning or just wondering what to do next, I can pray and know that He is listening to me, that He cares for me, cares what I’m going through… and He is always, always there for me.

Try it sometime, you just might be surprised.

Have a blessed week…

We fall down

I am a sinner. And no, I am not ashamed to admit that, why would I? but it doesn’t mean that I’m proud of the sin in my life, far from it; it shows me a better way, a God who loves me enough to even die for me to get me out of this filth. Am I making any sense yet?

Jesus came to earth, not for the righteous, but for the sinners; Jesus came for me; me with all my uncleanness, my impurity. He came to earth to cleanse me, to save me, to die for me!! “What greater love hath man but he would lay down his life for his brother?” What greater love indeed!! Jesus died for me, He laid down His life that I might be saved; how can I possibly not be touched by that? After all I have been through, how can I possibly turn my back on him?

I won’t give any excuses, won’t say that because I am human I sin, cuz when it comes down to it, there is always a choice; my way or God’s way and thank Him that I am learning ever so slowly to pick his way over mine most of the time, to trust that His way is so much better… but there are times when the wrong way seems so much more inviting, times when I fool myself into believing I don’t really have a choice when the truth of the matter is I always do… those are the times that I stumble and fall, yes, they are there; those are the times that remind me I am merely human and there is always Someone greater to look up to; Someone who loves me despite all my stupid mistakes, Someone who gave his life for me…

And those are the times that I need that gentle reminder; we fall down, we all fall down; that is not what defines us; what defines us is what we do about it. Do we stay down and wallow in the mud? Or do we fight to our feet; do we get back up again and seek for that path that for a moment has eluded us?

That reminds me of that song:

We fall down
But we get up
We fall down
But we get up
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down
But he wouldn’t stay down
And got up…

Somewhere in the Bible, Jesus teaches that he who is forgiven much is so much more thankful than he who is forgiven little. Not because he is a better person, no, but because he has been to the depths, he has stumbled in the darkness, felt the filth of sin; and suddenly been delivered into His glorious cleansing light…

I have been forgiven much, I have basked in His love, been awed by His mercy, and yes, I have been cleansed.

After all that, how can I not at least try to live up to the rules He has given me? Walk the path He has laid down for me? The journey is long and I am still a child in the faith, sometimes not too sure of where I am heading. Yes, I might fall along the way, but God help me, I will not stay down, I will get up and shout His praises even louder as I take that path again…

God knows what’s best for us, that’s a given. He knows our dreams, our fears, our hopes, expectations, desires; He created us, He put them there, so no one can ever know us as well as He does, not even ourselves! And it gets even better; not only has He made us who we are, He has also laid out a way for us, a path to tread where we would be the best we can be, be the happiest we can be, be the most we can be-it is His pleasure!

Despite all this, one of God’s greatest gifts to humankind has been that of choice. He knows that, left to our own devices, we will wander off that path from time to time, seek what seems to be the greater reward in our very own personal pursuit of happiness, but He loves us enough to let us pick our way, to let us choose whether to trust Him or not. Just think about it, if we really gave God total control, would we ever worry? Would we ever fear?

How often do you put God in the driving seat? I mean really give in you all and just trust in Him to make it all right somehow? Do we ever really let God take total control? Now I could go on and tell you of a time when I did just that, but truth be told, it almost never happens.

Except for now; in so many ways, so many aspects of my life, I do not know where to go, do not know what path to take, what direction to move in. it wasn’t a choice I made consciously or anything, it just seemed to happen; a couple of safety nets I had for myself just seemed to unravel, the others seem to be begging me to let go, just to let go and let God be my safety net, trust that if for some reason He lets me fall, He will be there to catch me.

And it is hard, it’s hard, to just let go and drift. To walk on in the dark without knowing where I’m going to put my foot next, it is hard. But I am leaning on one of my favorite verses again; Romans 8:28 (I’m not going to write it again, go read your Bible, it’s good for you.)

And for some reason I’m happy, I’m secure. I may not be perfect, sure, I’ll probably take a few steps wrong. But when it comes down to it, He’s in control, He will lead me true…

"Zeitgeist"

Today on my way to work I felt like I could write, felt an (epiphany!!) idea coming on so to speak, so I actually bought a small notebook so I could write during the journey, but what do you know, I wrote a single paragraph and then stalled, guess it was his way of telling me I had to at least try an understand what I was writing about before I put a pen to paper (sometimes I just write, and when I’m done I’m like “wow, that actually does make sense!!). Or maybe I was just writing on the wrong topic cuz something else came to me while I was staring at that single paragraph. Guess I’ll never know…

So, for this week…

A friend of mine is searching for The Way, but has no idea where to start, how to find it, how to know that what he keeps hearing about God is true, there are so many holes you see, and science is only too eager to jump in, fill the gap, even if it’s only with an even larger hole. So here’s my problem, I would like to help, really, but I have no idea where to start, I can only answer the questions he asks, sometimes not satisfactorily, cuz truthfully, even I struggle to find my way sometimes… and faith is something that cannot be explained, no matter how good one is, not in scientific terms anyway.

So anyway, this friend showed me the documentary “Zeitgeist,” the first thirty minutes anyway, where they quite simply try to discredit Christianity, and while some of the stuff they talk about might be true, not all of it is, not by a long shot, so I just thought I’d share some of the answers I had for him as far as that documentary was concerned.

But first, let me make something clear, I do not have all the answers, far from it. Even the answers I give should be subjected to scrutiny cuz well, it’s just me, I barely know enough to keep myself alive.

Let’s start with Christmas, (i.e. Decmber 25th) is not the actual birthday of Christ (If you didn’t know that yet, sorry to burst your bubble). The actual date ids actually set somewhere around March even though no one knows for sure, and considering that fact that the calendar we use today wasn’t even in existence then, well…

Moving on to the sign of the fish, and pisces, the zodiac sign; the film claims that Jesus was associated with the fish because it the “age of pisces.” Or something like that. True, the fish does seem to be an important symbol in the life and times of Christ, but could this be simply because he lived among fishermen? I know for certain that the “Jesus Fish” used by the early church to identify themselves was simply and acronym for “Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour.”

(Something like “Iesous Christos Theou Huios Soter” which translates into “Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour” and whose first letters spell “ICTHS,” quite literally, “fish,” in greek, nothing to do with the stars!! It could also be represented as an eight spoked wheel since those particular letters fit perfectly in there.)

A circular ichthys symbol in Ephesus, created by combining the Greek letters ΙΧΘΥΣ.

While we are on the subject of the stars, did you know that the twelve signs of the Zodiac were not separated until the meeting of some Astronomical organization (the International Astronomical Union, I think) in the 1950's?

Well, look, I’ve actually gone over a page today. :). One last thing to think about, there are prophecies throughout the old testament, that promise the coming of Christ, long before the people even had an idea what the messiah would be, don’t you think God, while shaping the universe, chose those specific places for the stars mentioned in Honor of Jesus Christ? Or as just another obscure form of prophecy?

As for dinosaurs, well, that’s an answer I would dearly love to hear myself, but as for now, my faith keeps me going, even when I don’t fully understand, I know that He loves me, I know that He cares for me, that He guides me, protects me, comforts me; there are endless proofs of that, so for now, I guess that’s all I need; faith…

Routine

I’m sitting here, waiting for some sort of muse to hit me on the head, but nothing’s coming. Just one question then; what do you do when God seems silent? When nothing seems to make sense, when your prayers seem to be bouncing of the ceiling, how do you react? Do you keep schlepping on? Oh do you just fold into yourself and wait to die? Do you carry on with your routine when it seems to lose all meaning?

It gets hard sometimes, really hard to just walk on blindly, to just keep going when nothing seems to be working right. I once heard someone preach about the importance of routine in the Christian walk, I remember how he actually listed it up there as one of the most important parts of a Christian’s life. At that time, it seemed flimsy to me.

But I’ve been there; I’ve been in a place so dark that all you can really think of is putting one foot in front of the other. Kneeling down every evening to pray even when I didn’t feel like it. I have never been a “routine” person, and at that time I never realized that what I was doing was routine. And its only looking back that I realize the importance of that routine, only looking back that I realize that though I sometimes had to force myself to pick up my Bible, those times were probably the times I benefited the most from it, the times that lifted me up and kept me going.

And the times that I failed to stick to that routine, yes, they were there, and those times it felt like I was sinking even deeper. It was almost like the routine didn’t necessarily lift me up, but it gave me just enough lift to stay where I was, just enough to keep from me falling too low.

I have no idea what to write today, this week, maybe something will come to me tomorrow, but I hope I have at least given you something to think about.

Oh yeah, and for the record, I’m happy :).

Take care. Have a blessed week.