A beginning

Hey, ever noticed that kid in front of you who can never seem to raise his hands during worship? Who always stands stiffly through it all, seemingly just enduring what’s going on? The one who never responds to an altar call and always seems to be in a hurry to leave church? Introducing… me. I’m nothing special, just another guy on the street, one you wouldn’t look twice at. I got born again sometime more than a year ago, I try to tithe, notice; try, sometimes even that 10% seems too hard to let go, sometimes the world seems to call too loudly and I forget to listen for that still small voice that keeps me on the straight and narrow, sometimes I just choose to ignore it completely, knowing outright what I am doing is wrong.

I have tried to look at my strengths, places where I can serve God, I remember almost volunteering when the web site at church was launched, coz after all, I do know something about computers, but I wanted to do something that would not draw me out of my comfort zone. I remember thinking, maybe I can join one of these online Christian groups, counseling, write a few articles, I even thought of starting my own blog!!(well, what do you know, actually doing that now :-)) But through all that, I was too lazy, too comfortable with who I am, too reluctant to even give that much of me to God, to Jesus who gave his life for me on the cross. Even now, I am writing this, but I don’t know if I will still have the inclination to take it to church sometime, for whoever wants to read…

So you see, I am just a normal guy, hopelessly flawed. I claim to be born again, yes, I have given my life to Christ, in word at least, just one question, have I really? True, I have never killed anyone, l but then again, I don’t know personally anyone who has, I think that could be one of the easiest commandments to keep, if you take it literally. I respect my mother, not so much my dad, sure I have excuses that sound genuine to my ears, but God has asked for no excuses, none. And from then on, it just seems to go downhill. No I don’t lie, but you see, even that is a lie, it is so easy to lie, so much easier to lie than to tell the truth sometimes. Ever told someone on the phone that you were somewhere you are not? And then afterwards you’re like, “ah, the beauty of mobile phones!!” Ever told someone you’re busy when really you just don’t want to put aside that tiny slice of time for them? I know I have…

The first commandment, another very easy one to break… “You shall have no other gods before Me!!” I can almost hear you think now, saying to yourself how you have only worshipped the one true God and no other. Just answer this, have you ever been in church but had your mind drifting to somewhere else you would much rather be? Has God called you to do something and you have flat out refused or come up with a million and one excuses? Have you ever shoved God aside for your own convenience? Ever considered that by breaking any single one of the laws He has set for you, you are breaking this one too? For you are saying, no God, you are not Supreme, my reasoning in this case is. This deal I am chasing is so time sensitive I don’t even have the time to kneel and say a short prayer… Do you even realize what you are doing when you say that? Anytime you place anything above God for any reason, however small and simple that may seem, you are in effect having something else take the place of God…

I am not perfect, far from it, but in journey so far, short as it may seem, I have come to realize a few important truths…

I am just a child in the spirit, a toddler who yearns to grow but is not yet willing to give up what is necessary for me to grow. Writing this has been a first step for me. If you have actually read this far, I ask you to join me, walk with me, as we find our way back to the Lord, back to Christ… back home.