Have you ever wanted something badly? And wanted it now no matter what God says? Praying for it day and night no matter what answer you get?
I have. I remember wanting something so bad that nothing could stop me from getting it, no matter what I had to do. I figured as long as my conscience was clear, I was good to go. Yes, I prayed about it, knowing my own determination I actually prayed that God get in my way if He really didn’t want me to have it!! And yeah, He did, but for some reason I always just looked at whatever obstacle He’d put in my way as another challenge, just another thing I had to do to prove how much I wanted what I wanted.
I did everything I had to get it, even going beyond what I had to. No, my conscience wasn’t perfectly clear all the way, but it was nothing I couldn’t rationalize away. In the end, I guess like the persistent widow and the judge (Luke 18: 1-8) I got what I wanted, and even though even as I finally crossed that finishing line I wasn’t too sure if it was worth all I had done to get it, somewhere, somehow, I had convinced myself that that was indeed what I wanted so I should be happy, nay ecstatic; and so I was, for a while, a very short while.
And then slowly, reluctantly, I realized that I had pretty much strong armed God into giving me what I wanted. And somehow it didn’t seem like it was worth it after all, good, yes, worth some of it, yes, but not worth everything I had done just to get where I was standing.
Then I also realized that if I had only waited, just waited for God’s time, yes, I would have gotten it just the same, just not at as high a cost to myself; if I had waited I would have had the time to actually think about how much I really wanted it. And if I had waited, I would have had a much larger selection to choose from…
So right now, looking back, yes, I wish I had waited, but I didn’t. Was it worth it? No, not really, but the lesson I learnt was; God loves me, completely and unconditionally, and yes, He knows what is best for me, knows when is it best for me, all I need is a little patience…
Next time I am faced with a decision like that, with something that I want that much, I pray that I remember this lesson and just wait, just wait and let Him lead, let Him choose, after all, He does know what’s best for me, when it is best for me. And yes, that’s what He wants for me too. All I have to do is let Him lead…
I have. I remember wanting something so bad that nothing could stop me from getting it, no matter what I had to do. I figured as long as my conscience was clear, I was good to go. Yes, I prayed about it, knowing my own determination I actually prayed that God get in my way if He really didn’t want me to have it!! And yeah, He did, but for some reason I always just looked at whatever obstacle He’d put in my way as another challenge, just another thing I had to do to prove how much I wanted what I wanted.
I did everything I had to get it, even going beyond what I had to. No, my conscience wasn’t perfectly clear all the way, but it was nothing I couldn’t rationalize away. In the end, I guess like the persistent widow and the judge (Luke 18: 1-8) I got what I wanted, and even though even as I finally crossed that finishing line I wasn’t too sure if it was worth all I had done to get it, somewhere, somehow, I had convinced myself that that was indeed what I wanted so I should be happy, nay ecstatic; and so I was, for a while, a very short while.
And then slowly, reluctantly, I realized that I had pretty much strong armed God into giving me what I wanted. And somehow it didn’t seem like it was worth it after all, good, yes, worth some of it, yes, but not worth everything I had done just to get where I was standing.
Then I also realized that if I had only waited, just waited for God’s time, yes, I would have gotten it just the same, just not at as high a cost to myself; if I had waited I would have had the time to actually think about how much I really wanted it. And if I had waited, I would have had a much larger selection to choose from…
So right now, looking back, yes, I wish I had waited, but I didn’t. Was it worth it? No, not really, but the lesson I learnt was; God loves me, completely and unconditionally, and yes, He knows what is best for me, knows when is it best for me, all I need is a little patience…
Next time I am faced with a decision like that, with something that I want that much, I pray that I remember this lesson and just wait, just wait and let Him lead, let Him choose, after all, He does know what’s best for me, when it is best for me. And yes, that’s what He wants for me too. All I have to do is let Him lead…
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