Waiting to Fall

I am standing in the middle of a tightrope strung between two high peaks. Nothing but the cool air around me, the beautiful oh so beautiful sky above me, and my destination in front of me… I can do this see, God is with me, He is holding my hand as I stride confidently (yes, I actually do mean stride) on this narrow bridge, and He will never let me fall. He loves me, see? And He led me here, He knows I can do this, and so, even though I am not really sure I can, I can trust Him to know that I can, trust him to see me across…

He will see me across, won’t He? I sneak a peek down, just to see what’s down there. Sure, there is the valley, I knew about that, only now it looks like a canyon, its steep banks falling away into shadow, shadow that resembles nothing more than a gaping maw. What if I fall? Just what if?

Suddenly, balanced in the middle of nowhere, I’m frozen. The rope I was walking along so confidently on just a few moments ago suddenly seems to have dwindled to a thread and I, I’m hanging between where I am coming from and where I want to be, but right now, where I am, there is no support, nothing to lean on but God…and of course, He is always with me, He will never let me fall… see? I know that, I still know that, only now, in the middle of it all, I’m stuck.

I need to move forward, I know I should move forward, but it doesn’t feel like I have the faith to go on. Sure, I know God is there, I know He loves me, I know He will not; He would never let me fall… so why am I looking down instead of up? Why am I terrifying myself with what could be instead of what is? It’s almost like I have made up my mind… I am going to fall…

I am going to fall, aren’t I? So why keep walking? Why not just throw myself off this flimsy bridge and have done with it? After all, if he really wanted me to make it across He would have given me a rope bridge at the very least, wouldn’t He?

So I just stand and wait never looking forward to where I am going, never looking up to God, to my LORD who got me this far, but always looking down into that abyss that will claim me if I fail, always just waiting to fall…

I guess that is where faith comes in, faith that He loves me enough not to let me fall, trust that His grace will keep me going even when I feel like I can’t put one foot in front of the other anymore. Comforted I take a step forward, a shaky step, only half believing this time that I can make it, and the rope bounces wildly under me… of course, I could always just stay here, just stay on this bridge for eternity...

Only, He got me this far. He got me this far, and He can, He will see me through...