The Driver's Seat

This should be easy, but no, it’s not. I have no idea what to write let alone where to start, but then again, it is almost always like this, is it not? The ball is in my hands, but before I can do anything with it, anything of worth anyway, I need to pass it on to someone else. Yes, right now I am in the driving seat, but I am hopelessly lost, I can’t see the road I’m supposed to be driving on, can’t see where there might be intersections or stop signs, but someone does, the One who should be driving.

But it is hard you know, to just give over whatever control you might have to someone else, to trust what you know, that He knows what’s best for you even more than you do yourself. Yes, it is easier to leave Him in the co-driver’s seat, you know, the one who looks at the maps ad points out the directions, tells you when you should turn and when you should keep going, tells you when to slow down and when its safe to speed up. But that just isn’t enough. I mean, what if I want to go left and he says go right? What happens if I see a rest stop and He insists on driving past it into what looks like desert to me?

Sure, its easy to say have faith and all, but how easy is it to “have faith” when you can’t see where you’re going? How easy is it to “just have a little faith” when everything just seems to be getting worse with every turn you take under His direction? It’s easier to ask “Am I really hearing right? Surely he cannot mean for me to…” And that is just the beginning. Soon you stop waiting for His suggestions, looking for his guidance; after all you know where you want to go, don’t you? Besides, you are pretty certain you know where you are; the terrain looks familiar, doesn’t it? But do you ever stop to think that you just might be going in circles?

But I guess at this point the co-driver is all but irrelevant, he says go left and I say no, right looks more familiar. When he says be careful, I’m like I’ve done this a thousand times, surely it can’t be any different this time. It only gets easier to block him out, “I’m safe,” I think, “I’m doing the right thing.” I might be safe, I might be obeying all the rules, but I’m not going anywhere, just going round in circles, round and round and round…

And of course, it’s easy to run out of fuel driving like that, then what? Sure, this place is familiar, I know it like the back of my hand, and I know as surely as I can that I have not seen any fuel station in ages. Only then do I remember to look at my co-driver, the one who by now is doing everything to get my attention. And yes, in his infinite mercy he stashed a can of fuel in the boot, enough to get us to the next fuel station and beyond, if I just follow his direction.

Yes, I may not like to go left, but he see farther than I do, maybe just beyond my vision he saw something better for me. So yes, for now I have learnt my lesson, for now I will follow his guidance. Why don’t I let him drive you ask? That would be the best thing to do, wouldn’t it? Yes, that it would, after all, he always knows what’s best for me, always…

Friendship

Earlier today, a friend offered to do me a favour; my reply? Sure, if it’s not too much of a bother. Then it hit me, of course he wouldn’t have offered to do it if it was too much of a bother, seeing as we’re friends he probably takes as much pleasure in doing me a favour as I would in doing him one – no strings attached.

Somehow thinking about those words, the thoughts behind them got me thinking, in a sense it was like, “if I have done enough for you to think it worth doing me this favour, I’d like that!!” I suppose in a way I have learnt something about friendship as well... the sharing bit, the “no strings attached” bit.

I always try to be that kind of friend, but for some crazy reason I never considered that any of my friends were that kind, too lost in the social contract I guess, you know, the unwritten set of rules that leads us to keep count of the favours we owe or are owed, the thought that we can only go to someone for help if they already owe us something or if we are ready to owe them something... But there are always a couple of people whom we can always turn to, a couple of people who will always be there for us, no matter what, a couple of people where the favour, the debt, is paid with a smile or a joke and nothing more...

And now I realise that I’m surrounded by these crazy people, people who have given up on counting the favours I owe them or the favours they owe me, people who do what they do for me simply because they want to, because it gives them pleasure to give me pleasure... People who will stand by me, stand with me, hold me up when I need the support and let me go when they know I can stand on my own again, people who will laugh with me and laugh at me, laugh even harder at my tantrums and end up getting me to laugh with them... total madness!! But I suppose that is the nature of true friendship; We always owe each other too much to pay back, and yet somehow, that debt has already been paid “pressed down, shaken and running over...”

Too many times, I have gotten down on my knees and said something to the effect, “Lord, if it is not too much of a bother, would you please...” Now the Lord my God is probably the truest friend I have ever had or will ever have; of course He wants to see me happy! And of course He will do whatever it takes to put that smile on my face, it is no bother at all!!

I am humbled this morning coz I have realised something I should have a while back, something I guess I knew but never really knew, if that makes any sense: I have friends; real friends, I mean, the kind who are so much a part of me that seeing them happy is more than enough payment for the “favour” I just did or vice versa.

And humbled too coz I know that there is Someone out there who loves me more than any of them do, Who cares for me more than even I know, who has already paid the price for any favours he might do me...

God loves me...:)

Daddy's Little Princess

A little something that was written by a friend in all its raw glory. :)

Life changed approximately six months ago... Pastor jack walks into church, his face lit up, “I have discovered something guys; all these years we have fooled ourselves thinking;

If I can read the Bible more...
If I can pray a little longer, a little more everyday...
If I could only fast...

Maybe then I would deserve his blessings
Maybe then he would love me more
Maybe then I would have more “Yes” answers to my prayers...

Gosh, we have fooled ourselves all these years that this is Christianity... if we kept the dos and don’ts.
No... no... No!! Foolish US, NOO... it was a LIE!!

- Our prayers can never make Him love us more; He always has
- We don’t have to ‘work’ to earn anything from Him, not even His attention!!
- We only have to believe in the finished work of Christ.

When He said “It is finished!” He meant literally that! He put an end to all sickness, all poverty, all worry, anxiety or the crippling results of fear; to any need to fulfil the law coz in the first place the LAW was put in place that we may come to realise the need of a Saviour; otherwise we could only do what we are best at: SIN.

The Law was there to be broken!!

Gosh, words cannot say it, Paper can’t contain it, but I pray you, read the book of Romans, critically this time like one flowing chapter of a novel...you just might understand what Paul was trying to push through into our heads, thick heads indeed!!

No, it’s not what you do, but what He did!!

That’s why Paul laboured to explain what he referred to as the True “Gospel of Christ” simply summarised... Christ was crucified and He is risen from the dead, oh the “Gospel of Grace.”

You know how liberating it is to know that I don’t have to work or put a finger to it, Just to please God... do you?? That I only have to Believe!! That’s why God said the Gospel is foolishness to the wisdom of the world... coz it was too simple to the philosophic Greeks and Jews.

Life changed six months ago, now I love to listen to Bible teachers rather than preachers who keep rambling on about how you have to do this and that to get to another level with God or closer to Him...Rubbish, utter nonsense!! (And I ain’t apologetic)

Now, the main point:

I am Daddy’s little Princess
I am Daddy’s little Girl
The centre of His attention and care
The reason for His love

I am His beloved
And He, the Lover of my soul
He spoils me with more than the world could offer
And all this can’t compare with
Running into His welcoming arms
Looking into His loving eyes
Being cuddled in His embrace

I am secure in Him
I am Daddy’s little girl
Daddy’s spoilt little brat
(... as Lucifer often complains)

I could say so much, but God is not disappointed in you, has never been and will never be coz He has no expectations from you, but an expectancy of love wit you...

The Good Shepherd

Well Lord, I have found paper and pen…

It’s been a while since I wrote like this, not really knowing where I’m going, just letting the pen move along the paper, dancing to a tune that’s not always my own…

Since the last time I wrote, a lot has happened, but nothing has changed, and yet in a way, everything has…

I was waiting to fall, knowing I was in a precarious position, knowing what I should do; focus my eyes on the Lord; and yet for some reason failing to do just that… I wish I could say that I looked up and Voila!! All my problems were solved, but not so.

There’s a strange thing about waiting; more often than not we get what we’re waiting for, not always the way we were expecting it, but still, we get it. I suppose I’m not different.

I was waiting to fall; and yes, I slipped of my perch, but by His grace I managed tom hang on to that rope somehow, managed to keep my fingers wrapped tightly around it even while my legs dangled above that yawning chasm…

Again, I wish I could say that I fought my way back onto that rope, but no, I just stayed there, waiting… and waiting… and waiting… loath to let go and yet unwilling to clamber up and continue on my journey… no one promised me it would be easy.

Suddenly He is here beside me, He has taken me into His arms and that rope is gone; suddenly I’m a lamb cradled in His arms. He holds me for forever, gently chastising me for not having faith in Him, for not believing in Him enough, in a way it hurts, it shames… he has done so much for me already, what is a little faith? And yet behind every word I can feel the love he has for me, know again that this is me Shepherd, my True Shepherd who gave His life for me, who loves me more than I can comprehend…

He holds me for forever; and yet only for a moment… then I realize that the instant before He held me, I let go of that rope, the instant before I was falling, but in His mercy, His grace, He held me up, didn’t let me fall… and He is always here with me…

And now I am back on that rope, strengthened, revitalized and yes, finally looking in the right direction; not down to what could be, but up to my Lord, my Saviour, my Shepherd who will see me through…

Waiting to Fall

I am standing in the middle of a tightrope strung between two high peaks. Nothing but the cool air around me, the beautiful oh so beautiful sky above me, and my destination in front of me… I can do this see, God is with me, He is holding my hand as I stride confidently (yes, I actually do mean stride) on this narrow bridge, and He will never let me fall. He loves me, see? And He led me here, He knows I can do this, and so, even though I am not really sure I can, I can trust Him to know that I can, trust him to see me across…

He will see me across, won’t He? I sneak a peek down, just to see what’s down there. Sure, there is the valley, I knew about that, only now it looks like a canyon, its steep banks falling away into shadow, shadow that resembles nothing more than a gaping maw. What if I fall? Just what if?

Suddenly, balanced in the middle of nowhere, I’m frozen. The rope I was walking along so confidently on just a few moments ago suddenly seems to have dwindled to a thread and I, I’m hanging between where I am coming from and where I want to be, but right now, where I am, there is no support, nothing to lean on but God…and of course, He is always with me, He will never let me fall… see? I know that, I still know that, only now, in the middle of it all, I’m stuck.

I need to move forward, I know I should move forward, but it doesn’t feel like I have the faith to go on. Sure, I know God is there, I know He loves me, I know He will not; He would never let me fall… so why am I looking down instead of up? Why am I terrifying myself with what could be instead of what is? It’s almost like I have made up my mind… I am going to fall…

I am going to fall, aren’t I? So why keep walking? Why not just throw myself off this flimsy bridge and have done with it? After all, if he really wanted me to make it across He would have given me a rope bridge at the very least, wouldn’t He?

So I just stand and wait never looking forward to where I am going, never looking up to God, to my LORD who got me this far, but always looking down into that abyss that will claim me if I fail, always just waiting to fall…

I guess that is where faith comes in, faith that He loves me enough not to let me fall, trust that His grace will keep me going even when I feel like I can’t put one foot in front of the other anymore. Comforted I take a step forward, a shaky step, only half believing this time that I can make it, and the rope bounces wildly under me… of course, I could always just stay here, just stay on this bridge for eternity...

Only, He got me this far. He got me this far, and He can, He will see me through...

Writing

I haven’t written in a month, a whole month I’ve just been, well, gone, had no particular push to write, didn’t feel like I had to at all, and I don’t, have to I mean, it’s just that I chose to, so I might as well do it well. I wasn’t even visiting the blog, hadn’t told anyone about it… I could say that for the past month the blog did not exist for me, and well, that is just wrong. In a way it is my ministry and I was just ignoring it, sure, maybe no one gets to read it, but, maybe someday… maybe I will actually compile these thoughts into a book that will go on to bless millions of people worldwide!! Ah well, a guy can dream :).

And then two days ago I got that weekly e-mail that always lets me know no one is visiting the blog, it doesn’t seem to exist for anyone else much as it didn’t exist for me… and lo and behold, I had had a single visitor!! That was all I needed to perk my curiousity so I mosey over to the blog to find out if they left a comment; well, they didn’t, not one I could see anyway, but I figured, since I was there anyway, might as well read through the stuff I had written oh so long ago.

From looking back, it seems like something changed in my writing, suddenly instead of just sharing my walk, hoping someone can draw strength from where I have drawn strength, learn from the mistakes I have made along the way, I was preaching… and of course, I am no preacher, I cannot be a preacher, but I can at least try to be a writer, a good writer…

In my second to last post, I simply wrote a prayer, I was wondering what to write, how to write what I wanted to communicate, but there are more than enough preachers out there, I am not one of them so here, now, I get off my soapbox, and just well, write… that is my gift, that is what I am being called to do, just to write, just to be me, to be human like anyone else, make my mistakes, learn from them and hopefully have someone else learn from them too. Sure, I may not always be eloquent, but I can be sincere, and when I wrote that prayer I was being sincere…

I did say I will not give up… but I guess I did, and yet it is such a simple task He has called me to do!!

So again I say to whoever may stumble across this blog; walk with me, learn with me, and this time, with His grace, I will stay on this path and not presume to lead, to preach.

Have a great week…

Prevenient Grace

I have been reading something on prevenient grace… and something about it just seemed exceptionally beautiful…

Prevenient grace is, in essence, grace being there before we need it, grace being there ahead of our need for it; can you imagine that? Imagine the love God has for us? The care that even before we start something; even before, say we are temped, we already have the grace to scrape through, to come out mostly unscathed; if we but remember to turn to Him and the grace He has so readily provided.

Just think about it for a moment and try to realize what this means… it means that no matter where we are, no matter where we are going, God is always ahead of us, laying our path for us, providing the grace we need to get over the obstacles we might find before we even get to them ; always providing us with a way through what we are going through, no matter what it is, no matter how hard it may seem, He is always, always there before us.

And if He is always there before us, then it means that He is always there with us. There is nowhere that we can hide from God, nowhere on earth, heaven or hell that we can be hidden from his sight; always He sees us, always He watches over us, always He is there with us, for us, that hand held out when we stumble to help us back to our feet, that soft word of encouragement when we need it the most…

And a few times, silence, a few times, there is silence, but not because He doesn’t care, not because he doesn’t see. We are as children is His sight, and to grow, sometimes a child needs to make his own mistakes; to learn to walk, we fall a few times, and He is always there to pick us up again and put us back on our feet. He is there; probably smiling with pride at the few steps we can take towards Him without necessarily hanging on His arm…

I guess the Psalmist says it perfectly in Psalm 139:

Where can I go from Your
Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your
presence?

If I ascend into heaven, You are
there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are
there.

If I take the wings of the
morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the
sea,

Even there Your hand shall lead
me,

And Your right hand shall hold
me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on
me,”

Even the night shall be light about
me;

Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from
You,

But the light shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to
You.

(Psalm 139:7-12)

Again, go read the whole Psalm, and Praise the Lord God of all…

Have a blessed week…

A Prayer

Father, the blog didn’t have any visitors last week; zero, not even me!! I haven’t written for you in more than a week, I guess that’s pretty obvious, I haven’t really tried either, but I usually don’t have to, to try I mean. Take last time; you practically dragged me out of bed to write!! And I was trying to sleep! Why not now?

I’m not complaining Lord, just asking really… is there something you’re trying to show me, trying to teach me? Is it time that I stopped leaning on you so heavily to use the gift the gift you gave me, like a toddler learns to walk away from his father’s helping hands… even though even then they are never out of reach; and then from walking and on to running… somehow that is beautiful Lord…

Is it time for me to stop waiting for you to tell the whole story through me and just go on the hints and nudges I get throughout the week? Those that are enough for me to put down a single sentence, or sometimes a paragraph and never see it through… is it time for me to go back through the drafts I’ve written and try to finish them? Or should I be trying to look for more readers? Is there someone you want to read something here that I need to reach out to find? Cuz I know I pretty much stopped trying to look for visitors when no one really seemed interested, just polite I guess. Or is this just your way of telling me that the waiting isn’t enough, that I need to somehow follow up on that promise to become an actual working cog in church; to volunteers my other talents, whatever they are, for the furtherance of your will?

Is it any of this Lord? Or am I just stabbing in the dark? Inferring meaning where there is none?

I do not know, I do not know Lord, but this time I will not give up; not on the writing. It’s been my dream, my passion for too long, and finally I finally found a way to do it for you… Or should I say you showed me a way to do it for you; showed me to surrender it and let you work through me… most times at least.

I will not give up Lord, I cannot believe that you have brought me this far just to leave me in the dark; I guess all I have to do is open my eyes and see where you are pointing me, where you are heading me too Father.

Teach me Father, bless me and guide me Lord, guide me according to your own marvelous will.

In Jesus’ Holy Name…

Amen.

Want

Have you ever wanted something badly? And wanted it now no matter what God says? Praying for it day and night no matter what answer you get?

I have. I remember wanting something so bad that nothing could stop me from getting it, no matter what I had to do. I figured as long as my conscience was clear, I was good to go. Yes, I prayed about it, knowing my own determination I actually prayed that God get in my way if He really didn’t want me to have it!! And yeah, He did, but for some reason I always just looked at whatever obstacle He’d put in my way as another challenge, just another thing I had to do to prove how much I wanted what I wanted.

I did everything I had to get it, even going beyond what I had to. No, my conscience wasn’t perfectly clear all the way, but it was nothing I couldn’t rationalize away. In the end, I guess like the persistent widow and the judge (Luke 18: 1-8) I got what I wanted, and even though even as I finally crossed that finishing line I wasn’t too sure if it was worth all I had done to get it, somewhere, somehow, I had convinced myself that that was indeed what I wanted so I should be happy, nay ecstatic; and so I was, for a while, a very short while.

And then slowly, reluctantly, I realized that I had pretty much strong armed God into giving me what I wanted. And somehow it didn’t seem like it was worth it after all, good, yes, worth some of it, yes, but not worth everything I had done just to get where I was standing.

Then I also realized that if I had only waited, just waited for God’s time, yes, I would have gotten it just the same, just not at as high a cost to myself; if I had waited I would have had the time to actually think about how much I really wanted it. And if I had waited, I would have had a much larger selection to choose from…

So right now, looking back, yes, I wish I had waited, but I didn’t. Was it worth it? No, not really, but the lesson I learnt was; God loves me, completely and unconditionally, and yes, He knows what is best for me, knows when is it best for me, all I need is a little patience…

Next time I am faced with a decision like that, with something that I want that much, I pray that I remember this lesson and just wait, just wait and let Him lead, let Him choose, after all, He does know what’s best for me, when it is best for me. And yes, that’s what He wants for me too. All I have to do is let Him lead…

Resolutions

I’m guessing by now most of us have already made their new year’s resolutions, maybe even broken them already. :). I’ve never been one for making New Year’s resolutions; I’m more the kind who figures if I want to change something, change it now, don’t wait for a particular day or season to make the change. Besides, it almost seems part of the resolution making tradition that sooner or later we will break those resolutions, more likely sooner.

Why is that though? Is it because we don’t believe we can do what we set out to do? I don’t think so, coz otherwise we wouldn’t have bothered making the resolution anyway. Laziness? More likely, much more likely.

But that’s beside the point. What kind of resolutions do we make? The kind that are to build us? And how? Do we ever remember to pray before making them? To involve God in the decisions we make before we cast them in stone? And when we do make the resolution, whatever it is, do we surrender it to Him and ask for His help in fulfilling it?

Sure, the resolutions might seem pretty hard to live up to after a while, say if I want to drop a bad habit, but then I need to realize that I cannot do it alone, and there is no better person, no better friend who can help me through it that God himself… I did mention we are friends, right? At least, He is always my friend, always there for me, always there to catch me when I fall, even when I am not being his friend.

And yes, the resolutions we make with God’s help are going to be hard to keep, coz yes, He is God and he holds us to what may humanly seem like a ridiculously high standard, a standard we probably won’t be able to reach on our own; but that is the point of faith, is it not? If we only let Him, He will lift us to it…
If we but let Him…


Oh yeah, Happy New Year…

Service

How often do we serve God only through some selfish want of our own? How often do we promise to give selflessly but only because we expect a greater reward? How often do we swear off our bad habits and practices simply because we are hoping for a prayer to be answered? How often do we ‘surrender’ but only when it suits us? How often do you go for fellowship to ‘praise the Lord’ when what we really want is to meet someone there? How long will we keep pretending to serve the Lord when we’re really serving ourselves?

Our faith calls us to serve, and serve with no expectation of a reward, but think about it, how often do we do that? Not to sound all preachy and stuff, but Jesus did. He lived His life out on earth, a life of humble service, and what did He get in return? He was crucified on the cross; He died to save us from our sin!!

And what do we give him in return? An empty service, a hand held out to give yet that stays expecting a greater reward in return. Serving is hard, true, serving without any expectations is even harder, but that is what we are called to do, that is why we’re Christians. Have you noticed that the best relationships we have among ourselves are the ones where we give of ourselves, not really caring about whether the other person can pay back in kind or not, we simply give because we want to, and how great a reward is a child’s smile simply because you have made his day! Why can’t our relationship with Christ be like that?

He gives and He gives and He gives, and we take and we take and we take, only giving back just enough to ensure that we keep getting. We pray, yes, but do we ever thank?

I’ve been on my best behavior this week, well pretty much, and I just wondered, why? Was it because I really wanted to be on my best behavior? Or was it because I was expecting something, expecting an answer or a miracle, never doubting what it would be? I am not proud of the answer. It’s only now when I think about it that I wonder whether I ever serve God simply because it’s right, simply because He is Lord and King.

No, I’m not railing against you; not really, it’s me who’s just suddenly wondering why I find it so hard to serve God simply out of love…

Take my heart and help me feel
Take my faith and make it real
Take my eyes and help me see
All the love surrounding me

Third Day, Don’t Let me Go

Worry

Just now while reading my Bible, a single verse leapt out at me; “casting all your care upon him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Lovely, isn’t it?

But how often do we do that? I mean, just cast our burdens, our worries, our fears upon him and trust that He will help us through them, that He will help us bear that cross? How often do we just surrender it all to Him?

I do, sometimes. And those are the times that the worry just falls away, the times that even if for some crazy reason I actually want to dwell on it, to worry so to speak, it all just falls away… suddenly I am sure that it will be fine, that there is a reason that I am going through what I am going through and the One who let me get into this will certainly help me get out of it, and so much the better for it if I’m just willing to learn, suddenly, however dark it seems I am sure that the dawn is just below the horizon…

And yet there are times that I scream in the darkness, times when despite what I know, despite what He has helped me through, I just lock myself up and try to work it out in quiet desperation, hoping against hope that that dawn will come but never really being sure…

The pain, the anxiety, the torment… it’s never worth it, never, especially when I consider that the only step I need to take to ease it is just talk to God, just talk to Him, I don’t even have to go to church, don’t even have to kneel down, just open myself to Him, if I’m walking, I keep walking and just talk to my Lord and Saviour, just pray… He is the best friend I will ever have…

That is all it takes; just that, and the security comes flooding in; that joy that can be felt nowhere like in his presence; that knowledge that with him on my side nothing, and I mean nothing can prevail against me…

In Matthew 6:25, Christ asks “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?”

Just let go, surrender it all to Him; that is all I ever really have to do, just let go…

Priorities

We were once asked what we considered most important in our lives; that one thing that we thought we could not do without, that one thing that gave the most meaning to our lives. In a group of about 12 Christian youths, not one person named God (if I recall rightly). Oh, sure, He was mentioned, we all knew what the ideal answer was, is; but… I guess I should be glad that we were honest enough to admit the truth.

My answer? Well, truthfully even now I struggle. Yeah, I know it should be God; ask me on a good day, or on a really down in the dumps day and odds are I will say, yes, it is God, but how can I possibly make that claim when on the average day I seem to remember God only when I do my devotional? If He truly is the most important aspect of my life, shouldn’t He be always present? Shouldn’t he always have a say in what I do, how I live, the myriad decisions I make from waking to slumber?

I’m not suggesting that I have to kneel down and pray just to ask God for his take on whether I should wear blue or black today; but He should be present enough that I choose to dress decently, for just the mere fact that I am a Christian means that I represent Him, I am an ambassador for Christ, whether I realize it or not, whether I acknowledge it or not, I am a Christian and I should represent Him right; and just like any other ambassador, I do have to keep the communication lines between us open so that I always know not to go against His will.

If He truly is the most important aspect of my life, I should remember His values, the things He holds dear; I should set aside my pride for humility, I should remember to love even when its oh so much easier to hate, I should remember that I am a lamp, a candle, a light in this world and everything I do reflects on Him.

That reminds me of a story I read somewhere once; a new pastor had come to town and on his first bus trip, the driver gave him more change than he should have gotten. The pastor thought whether to return the money, for it was a paltry amount, or just consider it God’s providence. When he did finally return it, the driver smiled and said, “I was thinking of coming to church, and just hoping that this time we would have an honest man in the pulpit.”

So now I put the same question to you; what do you consider most important to you? Is it any one person? Your job, your studies, your family? Think about it before you come up with an answer. Is it God? If not, it should be, over and above anything else.

In Matt. 10:37, Jesus effectively says, he who loves family more than Me is not worthy of Me (paraphrased), that doesn’t make much sense to many people since after all, Christ does preach a Gospel of Love, but consider Solomon, a King so blessed by God, and yet because of his wives, because of his family, he was drawn away from God, that should not have happened if he always put God first.

And if your answer to the question is God, ask yourself, is it really?

Almost Innocent

Have you ever intentionally blinded yourself to what God is saying to you? Have you ever covered your ears and yelled at the top of your voice just so that you can avoid hearing that still quiet voice that urges you to be the best you can be? I have, probably I’m actually doing that right now, but sometimes some of the things it asks, however noble they may seem, seem way out there…

Have you ever heard of a Christian pirate? Yeah, there are quite a few out there, a few who find it very easy to rationalize that what they are doing is not wrong, cannot possibly be wrong given the alternative…

I live in a country where it is virtually impossible to get one’s hands on the original thing, the genuine thing, at least, that’s what I tell myself. If I want music, especially the kind that I listen to, I am going to have to pay through my nose to get it, and even then, I will still be paying another pirate to get it for me, paying him a lot of money to do for me what I can already do for myself…and so easily too!! If I want to watch a movie and I miss watching it in the single cinema in the country, it’s gone unless I go to a video library that [surprise surprise] only lends out bootlegs, same goes for all the TV series that seem to demand you keep up with them…

So that’s my excuse, I cannot get the genuine thing even though I wanted to… but does God really want excuses? Time and again the message is made clear, we are not of this world, we are not meant to conform to this world, just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it right… I could go on – easily. And every time we hear that message, we ignore it… at least, I do, even now it feels like I am intentionally blocking out what I don’t want to hear, I want to be a Christian on my terms, not on His, is that really fair?

Christ came to earth, for our sake, for my sake he was tempted, just like I am tempted, probably even more so, but He always had an answer, an answer I am reluctant to give, coz after all, I am “almost innocent”… almost, that’s the important word here. It doesn’t seem so bad after all, can’t see anyone I’m hurting… but still, it is wrong.

I know what I’m writing probably isn’t making much sense, but I’m working it out as I go along, so bear with me… for my sake, Christ died on the cross, not for any sin that He had committed, but for my sin, and for what? So I can go on and claim to be almost innocent? Somehow it just doesn’t seem like enough.

We are called to live a pure life, a clean life, and yes, it is hard sometimes, really hard, but He has made sure we have all the tools we need, not to conform to this world, but to transform it. Maybe we need to start by listening to Him, by doing all that he asks us to do without question, without holding back, without refusing to listen just because we don’t like the sound of what He is saying…

Talent

For some reason these days I can only seem to write after I admit that I can’t write, give up after a fashion and just doodle on the page, or maybe just keep on with the mantra; “I cannot write, I cannot write, I cannot write…”

Doesn’t really make much sense to me, but maybe it’s because well, I cannot write on my own; I have to surrender that talent, that gift that I have been blessed with back into His hands before He can work through me to come up with something beautiful…

I guess only then will I not let it get to my head; cuz I know somewhere; I cannot write, sure I can, but I can’t… yeah, I know I’m not really making much sense…

But then again, right now I am trusting God rather than my skill to get the message through, whatever message it is this time, cuz I myself do not fully understand it; not yet anyway.

But just think about it; we all have talents; skills at which we excel without even trying, and yeah, I guess it is only human for us to think that “yeah, I’m good!!” I mean, I’m a writer, really, at least I think of myself as one :)…but I guess when I really think about it, I’m not as good as I would like to believe, not as good as I would have you believe. Sure, I write the words, arrange somehow find the right words to use and the right order to put them in, but it takes God to breathe life into them, takes him to add the feeling…

Making sense yet? I can write, I know I can write, but with His grace, I can write even better… so I know that this gift, this talent was entrusted to me by God. Sure, He let me choose what to do with it, it’s not like I cannot make any sense if I just write what I choose when I choose; but how much more alive it feels when I just surrender!! When I just let the words flow and trust Him to make sense of them; nothing matches this feeling; this peace that I get just from this simple act… it’s a pleasure that I cannot even start to describe; and yeah, in a way I am trying to give back at least a tiny bit, tithing my talent you could call it.

Well what do you know; my musing has churned out something long enough to be a blog post!! And my class seems to be starting, so…

Just think about it, think of the talents you have, the talents you have been blessed with; and how much more they could be if you just let God work through you…

(I actually wrote this post in while sitting in church waiting for a class to start.)

Have a blessed week.

Prayer

Do you ever take the time to just speak to God? And I don’t mean “pray” in its traditional meaning where one maybe sings a bunch of songs, then kneels down and says a fervent prayer; thanking God, asking Him for whatever; guidance, blessing, their next meal… I mean just take the time to just talk to God, bring Him up to speed with what’s happening in your life, He is after all the greatest friend we will ever have…

Now I can take a guess at what you’re thinking; He already knows what’s happening in my life, He knows where I’m coming from, where I am, where I’m going, even more than I do!! True, but does that mean you can’t speak to Him? Can’t just say it anyway? If you’re married, your spouse definitely knows you love them, but that doesn’t stop you from telling them every once in a while, and it doesn’t stop that fuzzy warm feeling you get when you hear it… think about it, wouldn’t you want to give God that warm fuzzy feeling? I know I would!!

I guess for me it has always been different. Before anything else, for some reason I’ve always thought of God as a good friend, even before I got born again. I was the kind (still am) who would preface a prayer with “Hey Big Guy…” and then go on to lay it all on Him, rarely was I ever asking for an answer, usually I was just seeking to understand something, and sure enough, by the time I was done, something seemed to have clicked into place, somehow, however skewed things were at the time they started to make just enough sense to keep me going on… kinda like having a really cheap shrink; and one I’m sure is not in it for the money, but just for me, just for me…

To this day that’s the only way I can really pray, I just talk, and I know that He’s listening. “Traditional” prayer you ask? Well… you know the way people can go on and on seemingly for hours on end “placing their supplications and thanksgiving” before God? I cannot do that! I keep asking myself how many ways can there possibly be to say the same thing? And why do they have to say it over and over again, I’m pretty sure He heard them the first time!!

I’m not saying it’s wrong or anything, I’ve actually caught myself a couple of times wishing I could pray like that, sometimes it just seems so spiritual!! But then there are those times when I really need to talk to God and I’m glad I don’t need to go into the politics of finding the right Bible verse to quote back at God to make myself understood, I just speak and I know for certain that He has heard me, the He is there for me no matter what… and the beauty of it; I can pray anywhere, anytime; whether I’m walking, cooking, cleaning or just wondering what to do next, I can pray and know that He is listening to me, that He cares for me, cares what I’m going through… and He is always, always there for me.

Try it sometime, you just might be surprised.

Have a blessed week…

We fall down

I am a sinner. And no, I am not ashamed to admit that, why would I? but it doesn’t mean that I’m proud of the sin in my life, far from it; it shows me a better way, a God who loves me enough to even die for me to get me out of this filth. Am I making any sense yet?

Jesus came to earth, not for the righteous, but for the sinners; Jesus came for me; me with all my uncleanness, my impurity. He came to earth to cleanse me, to save me, to die for me!! “What greater love hath man but he would lay down his life for his brother?” What greater love indeed!! Jesus died for me, He laid down His life that I might be saved; how can I possibly not be touched by that? After all I have been through, how can I possibly turn my back on him?

I won’t give any excuses, won’t say that because I am human I sin, cuz when it comes down to it, there is always a choice; my way or God’s way and thank Him that I am learning ever so slowly to pick his way over mine most of the time, to trust that His way is so much better… but there are times when the wrong way seems so much more inviting, times when I fool myself into believing I don’t really have a choice when the truth of the matter is I always do… those are the times that I stumble and fall, yes, they are there; those are the times that remind me I am merely human and there is always Someone greater to look up to; Someone who loves me despite all my stupid mistakes, Someone who gave his life for me…

And those are the times that I need that gentle reminder; we fall down, we all fall down; that is not what defines us; what defines us is what we do about it. Do we stay down and wallow in the mud? Or do we fight to our feet; do we get back up again and seek for that path that for a moment has eluded us?

That reminds me of that song:

We fall down
But we get up
We fall down
But we get up
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down
But he wouldn’t stay down
And got up…

Somewhere in the Bible, Jesus teaches that he who is forgiven much is so much more thankful than he who is forgiven little. Not because he is a better person, no, but because he has been to the depths, he has stumbled in the darkness, felt the filth of sin; and suddenly been delivered into His glorious cleansing light…

I have been forgiven much, I have basked in His love, been awed by His mercy, and yes, I have been cleansed.

After all that, how can I not at least try to live up to the rules He has given me? Walk the path He has laid down for me? The journey is long and I am still a child in the faith, sometimes not too sure of where I am heading. Yes, I might fall along the way, but God help me, I will not stay down, I will get up and shout His praises even louder as I take that path again…

God knows what’s best for us, that’s a given. He knows our dreams, our fears, our hopes, expectations, desires; He created us, He put them there, so no one can ever know us as well as He does, not even ourselves! And it gets even better; not only has He made us who we are, He has also laid out a way for us, a path to tread where we would be the best we can be, be the happiest we can be, be the most we can be-it is His pleasure!

Despite all this, one of God’s greatest gifts to humankind has been that of choice. He knows that, left to our own devices, we will wander off that path from time to time, seek what seems to be the greater reward in our very own personal pursuit of happiness, but He loves us enough to let us pick our way, to let us choose whether to trust Him or not. Just think about it, if we really gave God total control, would we ever worry? Would we ever fear?

How often do you put God in the driving seat? I mean really give in you all and just trust in Him to make it all right somehow? Do we ever really let God take total control? Now I could go on and tell you of a time when I did just that, but truth be told, it almost never happens.

Except for now; in so many ways, so many aspects of my life, I do not know where to go, do not know what path to take, what direction to move in. it wasn’t a choice I made consciously or anything, it just seemed to happen; a couple of safety nets I had for myself just seemed to unravel, the others seem to be begging me to let go, just to let go and let God be my safety net, trust that if for some reason He lets me fall, He will be there to catch me.

And it is hard, it’s hard, to just let go and drift. To walk on in the dark without knowing where I’m going to put my foot next, it is hard. But I am leaning on one of my favorite verses again; Romans 8:28 (I’m not going to write it again, go read your Bible, it’s good for you.)

And for some reason I’m happy, I’m secure. I may not be perfect, sure, I’ll probably take a few steps wrong. But when it comes down to it, He’s in control, He will lead me true…

"Zeitgeist"

Today on my way to work I felt like I could write, felt an (epiphany!!) idea coming on so to speak, so I actually bought a small notebook so I could write during the journey, but what do you know, I wrote a single paragraph and then stalled, guess it was his way of telling me I had to at least try an understand what I was writing about before I put a pen to paper (sometimes I just write, and when I’m done I’m like “wow, that actually does make sense!!). Or maybe I was just writing on the wrong topic cuz something else came to me while I was staring at that single paragraph. Guess I’ll never know…

So, for this week…

A friend of mine is searching for The Way, but has no idea where to start, how to find it, how to know that what he keeps hearing about God is true, there are so many holes you see, and science is only too eager to jump in, fill the gap, even if it’s only with an even larger hole. So here’s my problem, I would like to help, really, but I have no idea where to start, I can only answer the questions he asks, sometimes not satisfactorily, cuz truthfully, even I struggle to find my way sometimes… and faith is something that cannot be explained, no matter how good one is, not in scientific terms anyway.

So anyway, this friend showed me the documentary “Zeitgeist,” the first thirty minutes anyway, where they quite simply try to discredit Christianity, and while some of the stuff they talk about might be true, not all of it is, not by a long shot, so I just thought I’d share some of the answers I had for him as far as that documentary was concerned.

But first, let me make something clear, I do not have all the answers, far from it. Even the answers I give should be subjected to scrutiny cuz well, it’s just me, I barely know enough to keep myself alive.

Let’s start with Christmas, (i.e. Decmber 25th) is not the actual birthday of Christ (If you didn’t know that yet, sorry to burst your bubble). The actual date ids actually set somewhere around March even though no one knows for sure, and considering that fact that the calendar we use today wasn’t even in existence then, well…

Moving on to the sign of the fish, and pisces, the zodiac sign; the film claims that Jesus was associated with the fish because it the “age of pisces.” Or something like that. True, the fish does seem to be an important symbol in the life and times of Christ, but could this be simply because he lived among fishermen? I know for certain that the “Jesus Fish” used by the early church to identify themselves was simply and acronym for “Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour.”

(Something like “Iesous Christos Theou Huios Soter” which translates into “Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour” and whose first letters spell “ICTHS,” quite literally, “fish,” in greek, nothing to do with the stars!! It could also be represented as an eight spoked wheel since those particular letters fit perfectly in there.)

A circular ichthys symbol in Ephesus, created by combining the Greek letters ΙΧΘΥΣ.

While we are on the subject of the stars, did you know that the twelve signs of the Zodiac were not separated until the meeting of some Astronomical organization (the International Astronomical Union, I think) in the 1950's?

Well, look, I’ve actually gone over a page today. :). One last thing to think about, there are prophecies throughout the old testament, that promise the coming of Christ, long before the people even had an idea what the messiah would be, don’t you think God, while shaping the universe, chose those specific places for the stars mentioned in Honor of Jesus Christ? Or as just another obscure form of prophecy?

As for dinosaurs, well, that’s an answer I would dearly love to hear myself, but as for now, my faith keeps me going, even when I don’t fully understand, I know that He loves me, I know that He cares for me, that He guides me, protects me, comforts me; there are endless proofs of that, so for now, I guess that’s all I need; faith…

Routine

I’m sitting here, waiting for some sort of muse to hit me on the head, but nothing’s coming. Just one question then; what do you do when God seems silent? When nothing seems to make sense, when your prayers seem to be bouncing of the ceiling, how do you react? Do you keep schlepping on? Oh do you just fold into yourself and wait to die? Do you carry on with your routine when it seems to lose all meaning?

It gets hard sometimes, really hard to just walk on blindly, to just keep going when nothing seems to be working right. I once heard someone preach about the importance of routine in the Christian walk, I remember how he actually listed it up there as one of the most important parts of a Christian’s life. At that time, it seemed flimsy to me.

But I’ve been there; I’ve been in a place so dark that all you can really think of is putting one foot in front of the other. Kneeling down every evening to pray even when I didn’t feel like it. I have never been a “routine” person, and at that time I never realized that what I was doing was routine. And its only looking back that I realize the importance of that routine, only looking back that I realize that though I sometimes had to force myself to pick up my Bible, those times were probably the times I benefited the most from it, the times that lifted me up and kept me going.

And the times that I failed to stick to that routine, yes, they were there, and those times it felt like I was sinking even deeper. It was almost like the routine didn’t necessarily lift me up, but it gave me just enough lift to stay where I was, just enough to keep from me falling too low.

I have no idea what to write today, this week, maybe something will come to me tomorrow, but I hope I have at least given you something to think about.

Oh yeah, and for the record, I’m happy :).

Take care. Have a blessed week.