Psalm 23

Ok, so I have no idea what to write, but something just told me to open ms word. I have, now what? Let’s see…

Have you ever read Psalm 23? Ok, so you probably have, but I mean really, not to cram it, not just because everyone seems to have read it, have you ever read Psalm 23 just for yourself? Have you ever felt the words while you read it, ever felt like they were speaking directly to your soul? I just did, well not right now, but a few days ago. I was flipping through my Bible looking for the Bible reading out of my devotional and I kinda just stumbled across it.

I still don’t know for sure why I read it, but somehow the words seemed different, seemed somehow truer than they’d always been (if that’s possible!!).

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…”

That reminds me of a story I’ve heard repeated quite a bit, of a kid who failed to memorize the whole Psalm and when called to recite is simply said, “The Lord is my shepherd, and that is all I need to know.”

The first time I read it, it brought a smile to my face, but now what I’m thinking is, “soo true.” The Lord is my shepherd, my true shepherd. He watches over me, takes care of me, loves me more than a mother would love her child,

“He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.”

and if ever I should lose my way, He will search for me, reach for me and bring me back home,

“He restores my soul, He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

The problem with us, His flock, is that we’re a willful bunch, always trying to reach for the greenest patch of grass. Even when he warns us that it is in a dangerous place; that we will lose ourselves if we go for it, like the willful children we are, we go on and do it, go on and taste that beautifully succulent grass, oblivious to the wolf watching with hungry eyes…

But,

“Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over”

Yea, even though the wolf seeks to devour me, I will fear no evil, for He is always with me, even when I turn my back on Him, He never ever turns His back on me.

My Lord said to me, “I am the door of the sheep…” Nothing can get to me without His say so, nothing can force its way to me without having to first go through Him, and “…if the Lord is for me, who can stand against me?” Who indeed? Even the Satan himself had to petition God to raise a hand against Job!! That is how protected I am, that is how secure I am with my Lord and Saviour.

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me; All the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord; Forever.”

Need I say more?

The preacher in church today mentioned that Psalm 23 is from the fast food section of the Bible, a quick bite and you’re good to go. Maybe that is so, but it certainly is not junk. Go read it for yourself without my mumbo jumbo killing the flow.

Be blessed as you read...

Guidance

Do you believe that God guides us? That whether we know it or not, He lays out a path for us, and leads us along that path, always seeking what’s best for us, always seeking the path that will make us better, help us grow, bring us or someone close to us closer to Him? I do, coz I have been guided, and I know that that path we must tread, that journey we must take…it’s never easy, but it’s always worth it…

Have you ever prayed desperately for something? Poured out your heart to God in the almost certain hope that this one prayer He will simply have to answer, coz you have no idea how to go on without that one thing? I have; I remember praying desperately that my girlfriend would be healed at a miracle crusade we attended together; I remember praying that she wouldn’t have to go through the indignity, the pain, the discomfort of going through surgery to sort out a what seemed like a really simple problem to me. I have never liked hospitals, never liked the idea of even being in one so the idea of her having to be admitted, even for just a couple of days, to me was unbearable.

I remember hoping afterward that when she went for a checkup, they would find the problem cleared; remember how much hope I invested in that one simple prayer. My prayer wasn’t answered. At least, not the way I hoped. For a while I did not understand why that had happened, did not want to accept that she would have to go through with the surgery. For a while, it hurt, it really hurt.

The day of the surgery came. I was at the hospital even before she was, still really hating the idea that she would have to go through that. For the next two days I literally camped out at the hospital, always within sight of her, reluctant to even go out to get something for myself to eat, always wondering why she had to go through that, why when I had prayed as well as I knew how, when I had believed as well as I could that she would be healed.

My extended family has never been really close, it has always just been me and my Mum (a really amazing Lady too, btw), she raised me, made me the person I am today, and I have always been a loner, more comfortable on my own than in a group, never the one to get up and reach out. Family meant almost nothing to me, my Mum is more my friend than anything, and I am really thankful for that, but I never knew how important family was, I never knew how to trust another person completely, knowing that they wanted only the best for me…and in a way I never really knew how to trust God, how to lean on Him and just trust that He was in control and everything, everything, would be fine…

…Until those two days I spent in that hospital. I waited and watched, waited and watched. Watched her siblings come and go, saw how much they meant to her and her to them, saw how much they cared, saw how they supported each other, I saw how a family was meant to work, saw the love, the trust that they shared. And it opened up something within me. In those two days, I learnt the value of family, better than any books could teach.

My desperate prayer was not answered, the miracle I was hoping for, I did not get, but I got better, I got so much better. She was healed, and in a way, so was I. I learnt to trust, learnt to let go completely, to give in completely when I know that someone wants the best for me, just like God always wants the best for me. And in a way, I learnt to trust God even more, I learnt to give myself to Him in a way that I only thought was fantasy before. And yes, I have grown in the Lord. For that I am grateful.

Gifts

I have the gift of writing; I think I’ve always known that to some extent, at least, since I was about 10. And I’ve always wanted to write, not just be writer, but to actually write. I enjoy fantasy, reading it, watching it, and occasionally just drifting off into worlds of my own creationl, so naturally, that’s where my writing led me; to explore new worlds that I created, that only I could fully know. Once I actually thought of just living off writing, sure, I may not be the best writer out there, but untutored, untaught, I found I could write just as well as several of the big names out there, sometimes even better, I think; maybe that’s just my pride…

I remember when I was twelve I started to throw a few ideas onto paper. I was impressed with what I came up with and a year later, so was my teacher. A man who seemed to make it his personal goal to build the writing skills of his students, we were three then, three exceptional students who always competed to see who would get full marks. We all usually did. I remember writing out one book, all 24 chapters of it, and putting down the rough plan for the twelve that would follow it.

And I remember praying that God would help me to realize my dream of becoming a writer, that He would help me develop my writing to the point that I could actually successfully write and market at least that one series of books; most of the story is still locked up in my head, only part of it has actually made it onto paper.

But while I prayed that God would help me realize my dream, I never considered what His plans were for my life, never considered that this precious gift (make no mistake, writing is hard) could have been given to me for His glory and not for my own. I remember when I realized that, when I realized that I was asking God to help me write for my sake, not for His.

No, I wasn’t ashamed; I saw no reason to be. I actually went on to ask that He at least let me write that one series, that one story, get it done with and then I would do whatever He asked me to do, then I would do His will, but only after He had done mine; after all, I had the gift, I could write and I could always choose what to write. It never occurred to me then that what I was actually saying was, “give me this much for myself, just this much, and I will give the rest to You…”

Then I stopped writing. It wasn’t intentional, wasn’t conscious, it just happened. Yes, for a while I might have been angry, but more than that I was frustrated. I had so much to write, so much I wanted to tell whoever could read, but I just could not get it out of my head. Believe me, I tried.

And then slowly, reluctantly, came acceptance. God has asked for nothing less than my all, nothing less than everything I am. Nothing less. He created me, everything He has blessed me with has been for a reason, has been for His glory, taking away even one tiny bit for myself, for my glory would be going against His will, His perfect will for my life.

Maybe someday I will get that story out of my head, maybe someday people will read it across the globe, yes, I still hope for that. But if that ever does happen, I pray that it will be first for God’s glory and much more than my own.

Sacrifice

Just this morning I re-dedicated my life to God. No, that doesn’t mean I went to church and answered an alter-call or anything like that, it just means that on my way to work, as I walked that 2kms to the office, I started to pray, just started by thanking God for all He has done for me… a task that I think is pretty impossible, thanking Him for everything I mean, coz there is just so much… so much… But I tried, at least, I like to think that I tried. And after all that, there was really no choice in the matter; if you think about it, God has done all this for you, all that you have, that you call yours is yours because God has given it to you. That house you live in, that meal you just ate less than four hours ago, God in his infinite grace has given it to you, whether you choose to believe that or not. He gave his son for you; He gave His life for you, dying on the cross that He might pay the price for your sins, for my sins… and yet still, we have more, much more than we need; ad all He asks for is for us, just us as flawed as we are, as imperfect as we are, God loves us and will do anything for us.

I think of the sacrifices the Israelites had to make for God. There was constantly a burnt offering on the alter “for a sweet aroma to God…” the words actually used in the Bible. He asked them for all that, and because they were God’s people, they gave willingly, most of the time anyway. Now it comes to us; we are not required to offer a hundred and one sacrifices everyday to please God. No, He has asked for one sacrifice; you, me of you, as you are; offer yourself as a living sacrifice to God . But do we? Do I? sure, I try, I’m pretty sure we all have at one point or other. Problem with a living sacrifice as I read somewhere, it’s alive, and it is bound to go crawling off that alter at one point. I know I have crawled off that alter several times, more times than I can count actually. But with God’s mercy, and His grace, somewhere somehow I have almost always found it in my heart to go crawling back, feeling unworthy of His love, but crawling back nonetheless, begging for the forgiveness whose price He has already paid on the cross and for a while at least, feeling cleansed, feeling the true beauty of His love…

But something always comes by, the voice of this world seems sweeter and yes, I crawl off again. I’m not going far Lord, just want to see what its like to be off this alter for a while, I’m getting cramps just sitting here!! I say to him. But then Jesus did not have the chance to complain when He was up on that cross, no, He endured the pain, the suffering, the ridicule- and He is the King of kings, Lord of lords, who am I to complain about a little discomfort?

I could say glue yourself to that alter and never leave, never ever even think of putting a foot on the ground. That’s what it should be, true, but in this world we live in, more often than not, it seems like the hardest thing to do. Sooner or later we forget the price Jesus Christ paid for us on that cross and we hop of that alter and go for a tour of the world.

When that happens, I find it in my heart to come back to God, to climb back onto that alter and make up my mind to endure it, no matter what; after all, there is joy in serving God, joy like no other. And whenever I feel too unworthy to ask for forgiveness, I always have to remind myself that I do not have to earn it, no matter what I do, I cannot earn it, I never did in the first place; but one Man, has paid the price; for you, for me, for everyone who just believes in Him; and he is waiting for me, just for me. And he always says “Welcome...”

Grace

I’m sitting here, just thinking. I haven’t written anything for the blog in just over a week and I’m wondering where to start, what to write. Still no idea, so if I wander a bit, just enjoy the scenery until we get back on track… I’m literally doing this on faith…

I was thinking earlier about how much I’ve changed without realizing it, how far along this road God has brought me, safely, happily, yeah sure, there are rough patches and parts where the road doesn’t seem to exist at all, but He’s always been there to hold me up, always been there to actually drag me to my feet and set me back on that path even when I was very reluctant to.

I remember times when I felt filthy, literally filthy from something I’d done, it didn’t even have to be something big, (okay, everything is big with God, but you get what I mean, I hope), just the wrong thought crossing my mind, hearing that tiny voice and covering my ears and yelling to drown out its sound. And then my conscience would start in on me, like I said, sometimes I felt so filthy I actually needed to take an actual shower, but that never helped, never ever, cuz the filth was always on the inside, not in a place where the water would get to it, the only thing that could cleanse it was God, only him. And yet at those times I felt too filthy to even think of crawling into his presence to say a prayer – have you ever felt too filthy to pray? Ever? It is not a good feeling!!

At those times, eventually I would try to forgive myself first, or would just whisper a prayer, never expecting it to even reach God’s ears, not from one such as me. But never once did that simple prayer go unanswered, never once!! And people today complain that God never hears their prayers, He heard mine, he answered mine, still does so on a regular basis, I mean, after all, I can’t claim not to be a sinner, and yet I can still claim the salvation that I have done nothing to earn.

And in those times I remember feeling what felt like the full benevolence of God’s love for me, no, not for us, not for the human race coz at such times it was much more personal, it was God’s love for me! It has sustained me, it has kept me going, His love, His mercy, His Grace, can’t have one without the others and they always work together, always to show us the filth we are accustomed to and slowly draw us out, slowly wash us clean…

I can’t claim to be wholly clean yet, cuz still I have that really bad habit of crawling out into the mud (ever noticed how much fun a kid has playing in the mud?) and playing to my hearts content. But sooner or later I have to go back to my Father’s door, sooner or later (more sooner than later these days J) I have to beg for His forgiveness and he always, without fail, he always pick me up, lifts me out of the mud and gives me a dunking that sometimes leaves me gasping for breath from the joy that can only come from God… and people wonder why I almost always have a smile on my face…

And someday, someday I won’t want to go out and play in the mud, someday I will be content to remain clean in His Love, remain clean in His Grace… it’s part of growing up, is it not? And even then, if I stumble and fall, if I filth myself in the mud again, His Mercy will always be there for me, His love for me greater than any father can possibly have for his son, greater than even a mother’s love…

I have that giddy grin on my face again… yes, I am happy, I am doing my Father’s will, every once in a while I can at least try to give Him a reason to smile…

Pretty sure you’ve heard people say, “God told me this,” or, “God said this.” Ever wondered what it was like? I know I have. There was a time when I went around asking practically everyone I know, “how do you know God is speaking to you? How does God speak to you anyway?” At first I used to imagine there was maybe a large voice that seemed to come from nowhere, something that invoked awe at the very least.

But as time has gone by, as I have grown as a Christian, I have come to notice that God does indeed speak to us, not always through words, sometimes it’s something you’ve always seen but somehow seems different that day, sometimes it’s through something that totally unexpected, like a mango falling on your head, I’m not sure what that would mean though. :-). And yes, sometimes you actually do hear the words, not a loud awe-inspiring voice that will drown out everything around it, but a still quiet voice that is rather easy to miss, but yes, once you do hear it, listen to it the awe is in there somewhere…

So how do you know God is talking to you? Another question I asked quite a bit. You just do. Somehow, somewhere there is no doubt as to where that message is coming from. Sure, you can decide to ignore it, its rather easy to, almost too easy, but it always catches up to you… I remember watching a series that was the kind I would definitely like, I remember hearing hat warning; that this is definitely bad for you… I remember ignoring it… I remember finding the books it was based on, reading them and actually enjoying them, but still, at the back of my mind something kept telling me, stay away from those books, yes, they seem harmless, they are definitely a good read; but they are bad for your soul… I ignored it. But at a certain point what I was reading turned so ugly that even I who never wants to skip a word when reading a book skipped almost an entire chapter; by then I had drowned out that voice of warning, but looking back, I realized how easily the book had turned from something very light and funny, to something dark and sinister, taking me along for the ride. Yes, I stopped reading the books then, about ten books into the series, and by then I could feel the damage that had been done, I knew suddenly so clearly what that voice had been warning me against. Sure, I heal, but even the shallowest wounds leave a shadow on your skin, for a while at least

All you have to do is keep your mind open to God, let him in, and sooner or later you will hear it, without a doubt. Sounds easy, huh? The hard part comes in listening to that voice; sometimes it seems like nothing more than a suggestion; but we have been given the gift of free will right? I guess hearing that gigantic awe-inspiring voice would infringe on that; I mean, who on hearing the direct word of God would even consider disobeying it?

I remember thinking I would keep this thing I am doing, this stuff I am writing to myself until I had a few, until I was sure I could keep it going, but I heard that still voice again, heard it just when I was wondering, “now what do I write?” three simple words “Keep the faith…” sure, they could mean anything, it could mean I shouldn’t give up on any number of things, could mean however bad things get, just hang in there, things will get better, but at that particular moment, even though there were a hundred and one things running through my mind, I had no doubt what it meant…

As one of the heroes in a game I enjoy playing keeps saying, “I hear and obey.” This time at least, I will obey, and pray for God’s grace that I may always do so. Have a blessed week. Thanks for reading.

A beginning

Hey, ever noticed that kid in front of you who can never seem to raise his hands during worship? Who always stands stiffly through it all, seemingly just enduring what’s going on? The one who never responds to an altar call and always seems to be in a hurry to leave church? Introducing… me. I’m nothing special, just another guy on the street, one you wouldn’t look twice at. I got born again sometime more than a year ago, I try to tithe, notice; try, sometimes even that 10% seems too hard to let go, sometimes the world seems to call too loudly and I forget to listen for that still small voice that keeps me on the straight and narrow, sometimes I just choose to ignore it completely, knowing outright what I am doing is wrong.

I have tried to look at my strengths, places where I can serve God, I remember almost volunteering when the web site at church was launched, coz after all, I do know something about computers, but I wanted to do something that would not draw me out of my comfort zone. I remember thinking, maybe I can join one of these online Christian groups, counseling, write a few articles, I even thought of starting my own blog!!(well, what do you know, actually doing that now :-)) But through all that, I was too lazy, too comfortable with who I am, too reluctant to even give that much of me to God, to Jesus who gave his life for me on the cross. Even now, I am writing this, but I don’t know if I will still have the inclination to take it to church sometime, for whoever wants to read…

So you see, I am just a normal guy, hopelessly flawed. I claim to be born again, yes, I have given my life to Christ, in word at least, just one question, have I really? True, I have never killed anyone, l but then again, I don’t know personally anyone who has, I think that could be one of the easiest commandments to keep, if you take it literally. I respect my mother, not so much my dad, sure I have excuses that sound genuine to my ears, but God has asked for no excuses, none. And from then on, it just seems to go downhill. No I don’t lie, but you see, even that is a lie, it is so easy to lie, so much easier to lie than to tell the truth sometimes. Ever told someone on the phone that you were somewhere you are not? And then afterwards you’re like, “ah, the beauty of mobile phones!!” Ever told someone you’re busy when really you just don’t want to put aside that tiny slice of time for them? I know I have…

The first commandment, another very easy one to break… “You shall have no other gods before Me!!” I can almost hear you think now, saying to yourself how you have only worshipped the one true God and no other. Just answer this, have you ever been in church but had your mind drifting to somewhere else you would much rather be? Has God called you to do something and you have flat out refused or come up with a million and one excuses? Have you ever shoved God aside for your own convenience? Ever considered that by breaking any single one of the laws He has set for you, you are breaking this one too? For you are saying, no God, you are not Supreme, my reasoning in this case is. This deal I am chasing is so time sensitive I don’t even have the time to kneel and say a short prayer… Do you even realize what you are doing when you say that? Anytime you place anything above God for any reason, however small and simple that may seem, you are in effect having something else take the place of God…

I am not perfect, far from it, but in journey so far, short as it may seem, I have come to realize a few important truths…

I am just a child in the spirit, a toddler who yearns to grow but is not yet willing to give up what is necessary for me to grow. Writing this has been a first step for me. If you have actually read this far, I ask you to join me, walk with me, as we find our way back to the Lord, back to Christ… back home.