T'is Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home...

Take care

Despair

There are times when my faith seems to be slipping away from me, times when I wonder where this path I’m treading is leading me; and yes, times when I wonder if I am indeed one of God’s chosen. Have you ever felt that? Yeah, I know the typical answer is pray, just pray, give in to God and everything will be okay…

But have you ever failed to pray? Have you ever had that willingness to pray seeped away by despair, by numbing despair and the twisted feeling that after all, no one out there cares; after all, if He did, this wouldn’t have happened, or that would be going better or something like that?

Have you ever struggled to wake up every morning hoping desperately that your day is going to be better but knowing for a certainty that that slippery slope you’re standing on is just going to get even slimier… when suddenly every selfish thought comes to the fore and you’re thinking; “Why not? After all, no one cares…”

Have you ever been there? I have… I have fought that feeling tooth and nail knowing its nothing but an insidious lie; reminding myself of the people who care about me (and there are quite a few), reminding myself that God always cares for me, always loves me, even when I selfishly turn my back on Him…

I have fought that feeling, fought that lie with everything I have in me; still I feel myself slipping. And everyday it gets easier to just fold into myself, shut myself away from the people who do care about me and then blame it on God. Everyday temptation gets more tempting…Every single day that darkness gets more cloying, filthier, stickier, muckier, harder to fight through, and yet somehow, in some strange way, more inviting…

And no, I cannot see the end of the tunnel.

But I can fight to hang on to my faith, when it slips from my grasp, when I stumble and fall, I can force myself back to my feet coz as long as I’m alive, there’s a reason to go on, as long as I’ve seen the light, reveled in it, I can fight towards it even when I can’t see it just then coz I know its out there, coz that still voice, when it breaks through, is always saying the same thing; God never sends you more than you can handle and His mercies are new every morning… every morning…

I remind myself that all things happen for the good of those who love the Lord and are called to His purpose; and I remember that He who has began a good work in me will see it through to completion…

And for a while, just a moment sometimes; I can soar again…

Ripples

I wrote this a few weeks back, but just didn't post it then, kinda feels like i'm in that place again.

I seem to have lost my way for a while, especially with my writing. It seemed like no one was reading what I’ve been writing, like there’s been no reason for me to go on, after all, if no one is reading what I write, what’s the point, right?

So for a while, I haven’t written a thing, the few posts I had somehow manage to write in my first week on blogger are all I’ve been posting. And I’ve pretty much lost my way in trying to get people to visit the blog. Even though it has almost nothing on it, so far, I found myself being more concerned about people coming to read what I have written rather than actually writing.

Just a few days ago I felt so discouraged I was even asking God, “Lord, give me a sign, just any sign that someone out there is reading this stuff, give me a reason to go on…” I didn’t get any obvious answer then. I mentioned quitting to my girlfriend (yes, I have a girlfriend, most amazing lady this side of the equator…but then again, I am a guy in love, prone to writing drivel when it comes to her. ) and she wouldn’t hear of it.

So I posted another, sent a rough draft to a friend to look over, and his reply raised my spirits, in effect gave me a reason, however simple, to go on. You know what paper looks like when it has gone through a shredder? Yeah, that’s what my draft looked like when he was through with it. But it was what he added to it that really raised my spirits. 

“Incidentally I'm going to follow in your footsteps and write something for my church newsletter this week”

Okay, so maybe it isn’t exactly the answer to a prayer, but something about that simple statement made me really happy. It was like, sure, my writing wasn’t exactly reaching out to my intended audience…yet, but it was making a difference, however small, it was making a difference. And in a way it opened my eyes to one of the ways in which God works… I mean, maybe none of this stuff will ever be read by anyone else, maybe, but what if the articles he writes go on to touch hundreds of lives, go on to change people, to make the idea of salvation real for them. In that case, my work here will have been worth it, is worth it. Kinda made me realize that even the smallest things we do, however unimportant, always have a ripple effect, something small turns out to be something huge. Or maybe, something small, remains small, unimportant, but ends up being the last straw that breaks the camel’s back.

And it showed me that God truly does work in mysterious ways (tired of the clichés?)

It gave me the boost I needed, that faith I needed to just go on, to just do my part and trust God to do the rest, whatever way He sees fit. After all, what I am writing, I am not writing for me, I am writing for God; and I will keep doing that for as long as he requires it of me, whether or not I see the results, cuz I know somewhere, somehow, the ripples are spreading, guided by God…

Time

Yesterday I heard someone say, “I no longer have the time to waste going to pray all the time.” Ok, so that’s a rough translation, but that was the intended meaning. My very first reaction was to grin, (yeah, I have a strange sense of humor), I’ve read over and over again that there is always time to pray, always, and the more time you actually give to prayer, the more time you’ll actually find for prayer. (It probably doesn’t seem to make much sense, but what do you know, it actually works!!)

But then I got to thinking, how much time do I actually have for God? How much time a day do I actually dedicate to God? I am not the kind who can get into a longwinded prayer about anything. I think the longest I’ve actually prayed, as in actually spoken has been five minutes!! My friends, some of them anyway, find that a bit strange, but I always tell them, God already knows what I want, what I need, He gave me those desires, those wantings, there’s already a plan for them to be fulfilled, and yes, I will pray, I will ask for what I want, I will thank him for what I’ve received, for what He’s done for me, but I don’t see the point of repeating all that in the space of five minutes!! I guess I’m drifting off point now, I can’t profess to know much about prayer, so don’t take my word as the truth, I could be the misguided one.

Back to the topic, how much time do we actually put aside for God? I remember telling myself that the first two hours of my day would be for God; that is the time during which I travel to work, but more often than not, I am not even thinking about God!! So how can I profess to dedicate time to God when I don’t even remember Him during that time? And even when I do, its just a “Hello Big Guy, thanks for getting me up this morning, please guide my steps this day…” Technically, that is enough, for a prayer anyway (I think), but God actually wants to have a relationship with me, that might be enough for a prayer, but it certainly isn’t something to build a relationship on!!

And then when I do get round to doing my devotional, I’m sometimes in a hurry to get it done, to move on with my life, the life He has given me!! And in that hurry I only rarely get the full message intended for me that day; sure, I get snippets, but imagine a relationship with any friend where you only hear one word out of every ten they speak? I don’t think you’d get along very well.

So how much time do I actually put aside for God? When I think about it, almost none!! I definitely do not want to end up like that lady I overheard, but when I look at my life, that is the path I am walking along, so now I’m trying to change, but even in that I need His help, His grace coz I know I cannot do that on my own.

I’m not going to say do this and do that and all, I am just asking you to just look at your self, your life and honestly answer the question “How much time do you put aside for God?”

Have a blessed week.

Patterns

Do you ever wonder why something you don’t quite understand is happening in your life? Random events that don’t seem to make much sense? I definitely have. I came across something the other day that I thought I would share, in the original authors words instead of trying to make it sound like my own. . So anyway, here goes…

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering.

I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "My son, you go about your playing for awhile, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side."

I would wonder why she was using dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come sit on my knee." This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset.

I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy.

Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to God in heaven and said, " What is going on here? What are you doing?" He has answered, "I am embroidering your life." I responded, "But it looks like a mess to me down here. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?"

"My child,” a powerful voice from above said, “ you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side."

PS. I haven’t exactly asked for permission to use this, it was simply emailed to me, if anyone knows who wrote it I’d be happy to give them credit, or take it down if they don’t like it posted here.

P.P.S. the original message was from joke-of-the-day, so credit goes to Rex Barker for that.