Service

How often do we serve God only through some selfish want of our own? How often do we promise to give selflessly but only because we expect a greater reward? How often do we swear off our bad habits and practices simply because we are hoping for a prayer to be answered? How often do we ‘surrender’ but only when it suits us? How often do you go for fellowship to ‘praise the Lord’ when what we really want is to meet someone there? How long will we keep pretending to serve the Lord when we’re really serving ourselves?

Our faith calls us to serve, and serve with no expectation of a reward, but think about it, how often do we do that? Not to sound all preachy and stuff, but Jesus did. He lived His life out on earth, a life of humble service, and what did He get in return? He was crucified on the cross; He died to save us from our sin!!

And what do we give him in return? An empty service, a hand held out to give yet that stays expecting a greater reward in return. Serving is hard, true, serving without any expectations is even harder, but that is what we are called to do, that is why we’re Christians. Have you noticed that the best relationships we have among ourselves are the ones where we give of ourselves, not really caring about whether the other person can pay back in kind or not, we simply give because we want to, and how great a reward is a child’s smile simply because you have made his day! Why can’t our relationship with Christ be like that?

He gives and He gives and He gives, and we take and we take and we take, only giving back just enough to ensure that we keep getting. We pray, yes, but do we ever thank?

I’ve been on my best behavior this week, well pretty much, and I just wondered, why? Was it because I really wanted to be on my best behavior? Or was it because I was expecting something, expecting an answer or a miracle, never doubting what it would be? I am not proud of the answer. It’s only now when I think about it that I wonder whether I ever serve God simply because it’s right, simply because He is Lord and King.

No, I’m not railing against you; not really, it’s me who’s just suddenly wondering why I find it so hard to serve God simply out of love…

Take my heart and help me feel
Take my faith and make it real
Take my eyes and help me see
All the love surrounding me

Third Day, Don’t Let me Go

Worry

Just now while reading my Bible, a single verse leapt out at me; “casting all your care upon him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Lovely, isn’t it?

But how often do we do that? I mean, just cast our burdens, our worries, our fears upon him and trust that He will help us through them, that He will help us bear that cross? How often do we just surrender it all to Him?

I do, sometimes. And those are the times that the worry just falls away, the times that even if for some crazy reason I actually want to dwell on it, to worry so to speak, it all just falls away… suddenly I am sure that it will be fine, that there is a reason that I am going through what I am going through and the One who let me get into this will certainly help me get out of it, and so much the better for it if I’m just willing to learn, suddenly, however dark it seems I am sure that the dawn is just below the horizon…

And yet there are times that I scream in the darkness, times when despite what I know, despite what He has helped me through, I just lock myself up and try to work it out in quiet desperation, hoping against hope that that dawn will come but never really being sure…

The pain, the anxiety, the torment… it’s never worth it, never, especially when I consider that the only step I need to take to ease it is just talk to God, just talk to Him, I don’t even have to go to church, don’t even have to kneel down, just open myself to Him, if I’m walking, I keep walking and just talk to my Lord and Saviour, just pray… He is the best friend I will ever have…

That is all it takes; just that, and the security comes flooding in; that joy that can be felt nowhere like in his presence; that knowledge that with him on my side nothing, and I mean nothing can prevail against me…

In Matthew 6:25, Christ asks “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?”

Just let go, surrender it all to Him; that is all I ever really have to do, just let go…

Priorities

We were once asked what we considered most important in our lives; that one thing that we thought we could not do without, that one thing that gave the most meaning to our lives. In a group of about 12 Christian youths, not one person named God (if I recall rightly). Oh, sure, He was mentioned, we all knew what the ideal answer was, is; but… I guess I should be glad that we were honest enough to admit the truth.

My answer? Well, truthfully even now I struggle. Yeah, I know it should be God; ask me on a good day, or on a really down in the dumps day and odds are I will say, yes, it is God, but how can I possibly make that claim when on the average day I seem to remember God only when I do my devotional? If He truly is the most important aspect of my life, shouldn’t He be always present? Shouldn’t he always have a say in what I do, how I live, the myriad decisions I make from waking to slumber?

I’m not suggesting that I have to kneel down and pray just to ask God for his take on whether I should wear blue or black today; but He should be present enough that I choose to dress decently, for just the mere fact that I am a Christian means that I represent Him, I am an ambassador for Christ, whether I realize it or not, whether I acknowledge it or not, I am a Christian and I should represent Him right; and just like any other ambassador, I do have to keep the communication lines between us open so that I always know not to go against His will.

If He truly is the most important aspect of my life, I should remember His values, the things He holds dear; I should set aside my pride for humility, I should remember to love even when its oh so much easier to hate, I should remember that I am a lamp, a candle, a light in this world and everything I do reflects on Him.

That reminds me of a story I read somewhere once; a new pastor had come to town and on his first bus trip, the driver gave him more change than he should have gotten. The pastor thought whether to return the money, for it was a paltry amount, or just consider it God’s providence. When he did finally return it, the driver smiled and said, “I was thinking of coming to church, and just hoping that this time we would have an honest man in the pulpit.”

So now I put the same question to you; what do you consider most important to you? Is it any one person? Your job, your studies, your family? Think about it before you come up with an answer. Is it God? If not, it should be, over and above anything else.

In Matt. 10:37, Jesus effectively says, he who loves family more than Me is not worthy of Me (paraphrased), that doesn’t make much sense to many people since after all, Christ does preach a Gospel of Love, but consider Solomon, a King so blessed by God, and yet because of his wives, because of his family, he was drawn away from God, that should not have happened if he always put God first.

And if your answer to the question is God, ask yourself, is it really?

Almost Innocent

Have you ever intentionally blinded yourself to what God is saying to you? Have you ever covered your ears and yelled at the top of your voice just so that you can avoid hearing that still quiet voice that urges you to be the best you can be? I have, probably I’m actually doing that right now, but sometimes some of the things it asks, however noble they may seem, seem way out there…

Have you ever heard of a Christian pirate? Yeah, there are quite a few out there, a few who find it very easy to rationalize that what they are doing is not wrong, cannot possibly be wrong given the alternative…

I live in a country where it is virtually impossible to get one’s hands on the original thing, the genuine thing, at least, that’s what I tell myself. If I want music, especially the kind that I listen to, I am going to have to pay through my nose to get it, and even then, I will still be paying another pirate to get it for me, paying him a lot of money to do for me what I can already do for myself…and so easily too!! If I want to watch a movie and I miss watching it in the single cinema in the country, it’s gone unless I go to a video library that [surprise surprise] only lends out bootlegs, same goes for all the TV series that seem to demand you keep up with them…

So that’s my excuse, I cannot get the genuine thing even though I wanted to… but does God really want excuses? Time and again the message is made clear, we are not of this world, we are not meant to conform to this world, just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it right… I could go on – easily. And every time we hear that message, we ignore it… at least, I do, even now it feels like I am intentionally blocking out what I don’t want to hear, I want to be a Christian on my terms, not on His, is that really fair?

Christ came to earth, for our sake, for my sake he was tempted, just like I am tempted, probably even more so, but He always had an answer, an answer I am reluctant to give, coz after all, I am “almost innocent”… almost, that’s the important word here. It doesn’t seem so bad after all, can’t see anyone I’m hurting… but still, it is wrong.

I know what I’m writing probably isn’t making much sense, but I’m working it out as I go along, so bear with me… for my sake, Christ died on the cross, not for any sin that He had committed, but for my sin, and for what? So I can go on and claim to be almost innocent? Somehow it just doesn’t seem like enough.

We are called to live a pure life, a clean life, and yes, it is hard sometimes, really hard, but He has made sure we have all the tools we need, not to conform to this world, but to transform it. Maybe we need to start by listening to Him, by doing all that he asks us to do without question, without holding back, without refusing to listen just because we don’t like the sound of what He is saying…

Talent

For some reason these days I can only seem to write after I admit that I can’t write, give up after a fashion and just doodle on the page, or maybe just keep on with the mantra; “I cannot write, I cannot write, I cannot write…”

Doesn’t really make much sense to me, but maybe it’s because well, I cannot write on my own; I have to surrender that talent, that gift that I have been blessed with back into His hands before He can work through me to come up with something beautiful…

I guess only then will I not let it get to my head; cuz I know somewhere; I cannot write, sure I can, but I can’t… yeah, I know I’m not really making much sense…

But then again, right now I am trusting God rather than my skill to get the message through, whatever message it is this time, cuz I myself do not fully understand it; not yet anyway.

But just think about it; we all have talents; skills at which we excel without even trying, and yeah, I guess it is only human for us to think that “yeah, I’m good!!” I mean, I’m a writer, really, at least I think of myself as one :)…but I guess when I really think about it, I’m not as good as I would like to believe, not as good as I would have you believe. Sure, I write the words, arrange somehow find the right words to use and the right order to put them in, but it takes God to breathe life into them, takes him to add the feeling…

Making sense yet? I can write, I know I can write, but with His grace, I can write even better… so I know that this gift, this talent was entrusted to me by God. Sure, He let me choose what to do with it, it’s not like I cannot make any sense if I just write what I choose when I choose; but how much more alive it feels when I just surrender!! When I just let the words flow and trust Him to make sense of them; nothing matches this feeling; this peace that I get just from this simple act… it’s a pleasure that I cannot even start to describe; and yeah, in a way I am trying to give back at least a tiny bit, tithing my talent you could call it.

Well what do you know; my musing has churned out something long enough to be a blog post!! And my class seems to be starting, so…

Just think about it, think of the talents you have, the talents you have been blessed with; and how much more they could be if you just let God work through you…

(I actually wrote this post in while sitting in church waiting for a class to start.)

Have a blessed week.

Prayer

Do you ever take the time to just speak to God? And I don’t mean “pray” in its traditional meaning where one maybe sings a bunch of songs, then kneels down and says a fervent prayer; thanking God, asking Him for whatever; guidance, blessing, their next meal… I mean just take the time to just talk to God, bring Him up to speed with what’s happening in your life, He is after all the greatest friend we will ever have…

Now I can take a guess at what you’re thinking; He already knows what’s happening in my life, He knows where I’m coming from, where I am, where I’m going, even more than I do!! True, but does that mean you can’t speak to Him? Can’t just say it anyway? If you’re married, your spouse definitely knows you love them, but that doesn’t stop you from telling them every once in a while, and it doesn’t stop that fuzzy warm feeling you get when you hear it… think about it, wouldn’t you want to give God that warm fuzzy feeling? I know I would!!

I guess for me it has always been different. Before anything else, for some reason I’ve always thought of God as a good friend, even before I got born again. I was the kind (still am) who would preface a prayer with “Hey Big Guy…” and then go on to lay it all on Him, rarely was I ever asking for an answer, usually I was just seeking to understand something, and sure enough, by the time I was done, something seemed to have clicked into place, somehow, however skewed things were at the time they started to make just enough sense to keep me going on… kinda like having a really cheap shrink; and one I’m sure is not in it for the money, but just for me, just for me…

To this day that’s the only way I can really pray, I just talk, and I know that He’s listening. “Traditional” prayer you ask? Well… you know the way people can go on and on seemingly for hours on end “placing their supplications and thanksgiving” before God? I cannot do that! I keep asking myself how many ways can there possibly be to say the same thing? And why do they have to say it over and over again, I’m pretty sure He heard them the first time!!

I’m not saying it’s wrong or anything, I’ve actually caught myself a couple of times wishing I could pray like that, sometimes it just seems so spiritual!! But then there are those times when I really need to talk to God and I’m glad I don’t need to go into the politics of finding the right Bible verse to quote back at God to make myself understood, I just speak and I know for certain that He has heard me, the He is there for me no matter what… and the beauty of it; I can pray anywhere, anytime; whether I’m walking, cooking, cleaning or just wondering what to do next, I can pray and know that He is listening to me, that He cares for me, cares what I’m going through… and He is always, always there for me.

Try it sometime, you just might be surprised.

Have a blessed week…

We fall down

I am a sinner. And no, I am not ashamed to admit that, why would I? but it doesn’t mean that I’m proud of the sin in my life, far from it; it shows me a better way, a God who loves me enough to even die for me to get me out of this filth. Am I making any sense yet?

Jesus came to earth, not for the righteous, but for the sinners; Jesus came for me; me with all my uncleanness, my impurity. He came to earth to cleanse me, to save me, to die for me!! “What greater love hath man but he would lay down his life for his brother?” What greater love indeed!! Jesus died for me, He laid down His life that I might be saved; how can I possibly not be touched by that? After all I have been through, how can I possibly turn my back on him?

I won’t give any excuses, won’t say that because I am human I sin, cuz when it comes down to it, there is always a choice; my way or God’s way and thank Him that I am learning ever so slowly to pick his way over mine most of the time, to trust that His way is so much better… but there are times when the wrong way seems so much more inviting, times when I fool myself into believing I don’t really have a choice when the truth of the matter is I always do… those are the times that I stumble and fall, yes, they are there; those are the times that remind me I am merely human and there is always Someone greater to look up to; Someone who loves me despite all my stupid mistakes, Someone who gave his life for me…

And those are the times that I need that gentle reminder; we fall down, we all fall down; that is not what defines us; what defines us is what we do about it. Do we stay down and wallow in the mud? Or do we fight to our feet; do we get back up again and seek for that path that for a moment has eluded us?

That reminds me of that song:

We fall down
But we get up
We fall down
But we get up
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down
But he wouldn’t stay down
And got up…

Somewhere in the Bible, Jesus teaches that he who is forgiven much is so much more thankful than he who is forgiven little. Not because he is a better person, no, but because he has been to the depths, he has stumbled in the darkness, felt the filth of sin; and suddenly been delivered into His glorious cleansing light…

I have been forgiven much, I have basked in His love, been awed by His mercy, and yes, I have been cleansed.

After all that, how can I not at least try to live up to the rules He has given me? Walk the path He has laid down for me? The journey is long and I am still a child in the faith, sometimes not too sure of where I am heading. Yes, I might fall along the way, but God help me, I will not stay down, I will get up and shout His praises even louder as I take that path again…

God knows what’s best for us, that’s a given. He knows our dreams, our fears, our hopes, expectations, desires; He created us, He put them there, so no one can ever know us as well as He does, not even ourselves! And it gets even better; not only has He made us who we are, He has also laid out a way for us, a path to tread where we would be the best we can be, be the happiest we can be, be the most we can be-it is His pleasure!

Despite all this, one of God’s greatest gifts to humankind has been that of choice. He knows that, left to our own devices, we will wander off that path from time to time, seek what seems to be the greater reward in our very own personal pursuit of happiness, but He loves us enough to let us pick our way, to let us choose whether to trust Him or not. Just think about it, if we really gave God total control, would we ever worry? Would we ever fear?

How often do you put God in the driving seat? I mean really give in you all and just trust in Him to make it all right somehow? Do we ever really let God take total control? Now I could go on and tell you of a time when I did just that, but truth be told, it almost never happens.

Except for now; in so many ways, so many aspects of my life, I do not know where to go, do not know what path to take, what direction to move in. it wasn’t a choice I made consciously or anything, it just seemed to happen; a couple of safety nets I had for myself just seemed to unravel, the others seem to be begging me to let go, just to let go and let God be my safety net, trust that if for some reason He lets me fall, He will be there to catch me.

And it is hard, it’s hard, to just let go and drift. To walk on in the dark without knowing where I’m going to put my foot next, it is hard. But I am leaning on one of my favorite verses again; Romans 8:28 (I’m not going to write it again, go read your Bible, it’s good for you.)

And for some reason I’m happy, I’m secure. I may not be perfect, sure, I’ll probably take a few steps wrong. But when it comes down to it, He’s in control, He will lead me true…

"Zeitgeist"

Today on my way to work I felt like I could write, felt an (epiphany!!) idea coming on so to speak, so I actually bought a small notebook so I could write during the journey, but what do you know, I wrote a single paragraph and then stalled, guess it was his way of telling me I had to at least try an understand what I was writing about before I put a pen to paper (sometimes I just write, and when I’m done I’m like “wow, that actually does make sense!!). Or maybe I was just writing on the wrong topic cuz something else came to me while I was staring at that single paragraph. Guess I’ll never know…

So, for this week…

A friend of mine is searching for The Way, but has no idea where to start, how to find it, how to know that what he keeps hearing about God is true, there are so many holes you see, and science is only too eager to jump in, fill the gap, even if it’s only with an even larger hole. So here’s my problem, I would like to help, really, but I have no idea where to start, I can only answer the questions he asks, sometimes not satisfactorily, cuz truthfully, even I struggle to find my way sometimes… and faith is something that cannot be explained, no matter how good one is, not in scientific terms anyway.

So anyway, this friend showed me the documentary “Zeitgeist,” the first thirty minutes anyway, where they quite simply try to discredit Christianity, and while some of the stuff they talk about might be true, not all of it is, not by a long shot, so I just thought I’d share some of the answers I had for him as far as that documentary was concerned.

But first, let me make something clear, I do not have all the answers, far from it. Even the answers I give should be subjected to scrutiny cuz well, it’s just me, I barely know enough to keep myself alive.

Let’s start with Christmas, (i.e. Decmber 25th) is not the actual birthday of Christ (If you didn’t know that yet, sorry to burst your bubble). The actual date ids actually set somewhere around March even though no one knows for sure, and considering that fact that the calendar we use today wasn’t even in existence then, well…

Moving on to the sign of the fish, and pisces, the zodiac sign; the film claims that Jesus was associated with the fish because it the “age of pisces.” Or something like that. True, the fish does seem to be an important symbol in the life and times of Christ, but could this be simply because he lived among fishermen? I know for certain that the “Jesus Fish” used by the early church to identify themselves was simply and acronym for “Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour.”

(Something like “Iesous Christos Theou Huios Soter” which translates into “Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour” and whose first letters spell “ICTHS,” quite literally, “fish,” in greek, nothing to do with the stars!! It could also be represented as an eight spoked wheel since those particular letters fit perfectly in there.)

A circular ichthys symbol in Ephesus, created by combining the Greek letters ΙΧΘΥΣ.

While we are on the subject of the stars, did you know that the twelve signs of the Zodiac were not separated until the meeting of some Astronomical organization (the International Astronomical Union, I think) in the 1950's?

Well, look, I’ve actually gone over a page today. :). One last thing to think about, there are prophecies throughout the old testament, that promise the coming of Christ, long before the people even had an idea what the messiah would be, don’t you think God, while shaping the universe, chose those specific places for the stars mentioned in Honor of Jesus Christ? Or as just another obscure form of prophecy?

As for dinosaurs, well, that’s an answer I would dearly love to hear myself, but as for now, my faith keeps me going, even when I don’t fully understand, I know that He loves me, I know that He cares for me, that He guides me, protects me, comforts me; there are endless proofs of that, so for now, I guess that’s all I need; faith…

Routine

I’m sitting here, waiting for some sort of muse to hit me on the head, but nothing’s coming. Just one question then; what do you do when God seems silent? When nothing seems to make sense, when your prayers seem to be bouncing of the ceiling, how do you react? Do you keep schlepping on? Oh do you just fold into yourself and wait to die? Do you carry on with your routine when it seems to lose all meaning?

It gets hard sometimes, really hard to just walk on blindly, to just keep going when nothing seems to be working right. I once heard someone preach about the importance of routine in the Christian walk, I remember how he actually listed it up there as one of the most important parts of a Christian’s life. At that time, it seemed flimsy to me.

But I’ve been there; I’ve been in a place so dark that all you can really think of is putting one foot in front of the other. Kneeling down every evening to pray even when I didn’t feel like it. I have never been a “routine” person, and at that time I never realized that what I was doing was routine. And its only looking back that I realize the importance of that routine, only looking back that I realize that though I sometimes had to force myself to pick up my Bible, those times were probably the times I benefited the most from it, the times that lifted me up and kept me going.

And the times that I failed to stick to that routine, yes, they were there, and those times it felt like I was sinking even deeper. It was almost like the routine didn’t necessarily lift me up, but it gave me just enough lift to stay where I was, just enough to keep from me falling too low.

I have no idea what to write today, this week, maybe something will come to me tomorrow, but I hope I have at least given you something to think about.

Oh yeah, and for the record, I’m happy :).

Take care. Have a blessed week.

The Road Not Taken

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you took just one step different? Wondered what would have happened if say you missed the bus today? Woke up an hour earlier? Went to a different place for lunch? (and way out there, even for me, had a different sperm get there first? ) Cuz I have, the road not taken they call it…

Where would I be if I’d turned off my phone the day I got the call that gave me the job I have now? Would I have this blog if I had notes from my secondary school (I used to work on my book in class instead of following whatever the teacher was saying)? If I attended class just a bit more, would I have gotten better grades, would I be happier? If I hadn’t made this mistake, or that one, would I be who I am today? If I’d written this blog post yesterday instead of today, would I have ever written on this topic? Would I get the peace I get just from writing this out? The questions are endless, I guess that’s the point; no one can possibly know all the options, all the possibilities, let alone explore them.

So how do I know I’m on the right path? How do I know that despite all the mistakes I’ve made I’m doing the right thing still? How do I know that I’m living life the best way for me?

Its simple really; God lays down the path, I just walk on it. Sure, there are times I wonder why something could have happened, think that if I’d just grabbed that opportunity life would be so much better. But I did not, I am where I am today because of that decision, I am who I am today because of that decision, who knows, maybe a “better” opportunity would have resulted into a very unhappy life?

If only I had a paper and pen in the taxi when this whole mess seemed so clear… I guess then it would have made more sense, but then I wouldn’t be leaning as heavily as I am right now on the Holy Spirit to just speak to your hearts, your minds, make clear what even I can’t seem to understand clearly any more. But for a while I did, for a few precious minutes I didn’t have to look down the road no taken cuz I was perfectly sure that God was in control, I had that peace that even if I make a mistake, God is in control, and nothing is too big for Him to handle, maybe he let me make that mistake so I could learn from it, be stronger from it.

Maybe my grades aren’t as good as they could have been, but I’m at least trying harder for the kingdom than I would be otherwise…

“All things happen for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.”

Rom. 8:28.

Sometimes it seems like a verse tailored just to give us hope, to keep us going even in the worst of times, cuz after all, all things work for our good, all things.

And other times it just makes perfect sense. God is always in control, always…

Jesus Loves Me!!

Jesus loves me; Oh yes He does x3

I know you’ve heard that chorus before, I know you know it just as well, if not even better than I do; but have you ever stopped to think about the words? Have you ever sung that chorus out of pure joy, feeling the happiness, the JOY of that truth washing over you? Have you ever sung that chorus out of quiet desperation, hoping against hope that those words will give you the strength to go on, that that truth will give you that much needed boost of faith to just help you to go on, just to go on…

I have… I remember singing quietly to myself when I needed to fight that temptation but had no idea where to start. I remember saying the words when I felt like I was slowly losing my will to fight, when I really needed a reason, any reason to go on…
Jesus loves me…

He died for my sins, He watches over me, He led me to where I am, He protects me, no matter how weak I may feel, He gives me the strength to go on, gives me the strength to take that one step in the right direction…and after the first it’s always easier. And even if for some reason I shrug of His help and take a running leap off the cliff, He is always there to catch me, always there to help me back up… Jesus loves me, so much so that I cannot comprehend it, not even if I tried.

And then the happiness comes, the joy… Jesus loves me, what else can compare to that? No matter how far I have fallen, He will pick me back up, no matter how weak I feel, He is my strength, He is my hope, He is more than enough reason to go on…

If you’ve been walking with me, then you know that for a while I was discouraged, I wrote just a couple of weeks back that I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but Jesus loves me. He has given me the strength I needed to go on. I have had a good week, I have found myself again, or maybe I still am, finding myself I mean, but I am not down in the dumps anymore, I can smile again, I can laugh again, laugh from the heart and mean it, coz my Lord and Savior loves me, and He has brought me through…

Jesus loves me, oh yes he does
Jesus loves me, oh yes he does
Jesus loves me, oh yes he does,
For the Bible tells me so….

I know I probably haven’t made much sense today, but I’m happy, and for now, that is really all that matters.

Jesus loves me…

T'is Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home...

Take care

Despair

There are times when my faith seems to be slipping away from me, times when I wonder where this path I’m treading is leading me; and yes, times when I wonder if I am indeed one of God’s chosen. Have you ever felt that? Yeah, I know the typical answer is pray, just pray, give in to God and everything will be okay…

But have you ever failed to pray? Have you ever had that willingness to pray seeped away by despair, by numbing despair and the twisted feeling that after all, no one out there cares; after all, if He did, this wouldn’t have happened, or that would be going better or something like that?

Have you ever struggled to wake up every morning hoping desperately that your day is going to be better but knowing for a certainty that that slippery slope you’re standing on is just going to get even slimier… when suddenly every selfish thought comes to the fore and you’re thinking; “Why not? After all, no one cares…”

Have you ever been there? I have… I have fought that feeling tooth and nail knowing its nothing but an insidious lie; reminding myself of the people who care about me (and there are quite a few), reminding myself that God always cares for me, always loves me, even when I selfishly turn my back on Him…

I have fought that feeling, fought that lie with everything I have in me; still I feel myself slipping. And everyday it gets easier to just fold into myself, shut myself away from the people who do care about me and then blame it on God. Everyday temptation gets more tempting…Every single day that darkness gets more cloying, filthier, stickier, muckier, harder to fight through, and yet somehow, in some strange way, more inviting…

And no, I cannot see the end of the tunnel.

But I can fight to hang on to my faith, when it slips from my grasp, when I stumble and fall, I can force myself back to my feet coz as long as I’m alive, there’s a reason to go on, as long as I’ve seen the light, reveled in it, I can fight towards it even when I can’t see it just then coz I know its out there, coz that still voice, when it breaks through, is always saying the same thing; God never sends you more than you can handle and His mercies are new every morning… every morning…

I remind myself that all things happen for the good of those who love the Lord and are called to His purpose; and I remember that He who has began a good work in me will see it through to completion…

And for a while, just a moment sometimes; I can soar again…

Ripples

I wrote this a few weeks back, but just didn't post it then, kinda feels like i'm in that place again.

I seem to have lost my way for a while, especially with my writing. It seemed like no one was reading what I’ve been writing, like there’s been no reason for me to go on, after all, if no one is reading what I write, what’s the point, right?

So for a while, I haven’t written a thing, the few posts I had somehow manage to write in my first week on blogger are all I’ve been posting. And I’ve pretty much lost my way in trying to get people to visit the blog. Even though it has almost nothing on it, so far, I found myself being more concerned about people coming to read what I have written rather than actually writing.

Just a few days ago I felt so discouraged I was even asking God, “Lord, give me a sign, just any sign that someone out there is reading this stuff, give me a reason to go on…” I didn’t get any obvious answer then. I mentioned quitting to my girlfriend (yes, I have a girlfriend, most amazing lady this side of the equator…but then again, I am a guy in love, prone to writing drivel when it comes to her. ) and she wouldn’t hear of it.

So I posted another, sent a rough draft to a friend to look over, and his reply raised my spirits, in effect gave me a reason, however simple, to go on. You know what paper looks like when it has gone through a shredder? Yeah, that’s what my draft looked like when he was through with it. But it was what he added to it that really raised my spirits. 

“Incidentally I'm going to follow in your footsteps and write something for my church newsletter this week”

Okay, so maybe it isn’t exactly the answer to a prayer, but something about that simple statement made me really happy. It was like, sure, my writing wasn’t exactly reaching out to my intended audience…yet, but it was making a difference, however small, it was making a difference. And in a way it opened my eyes to one of the ways in which God works… I mean, maybe none of this stuff will ever be read by anyone else, maybe, but what if the articles he writes go on to touch hundreds of lives, go on to change people, to make the idea of salvation real for them. In that case, my work here will have been worth it, is worth it. Kinda made me realize that even the smallest things we do, however unimportant, always have a ripple effect, something small turns out to be something huge. Or maybe, something small, remains small, unimportant, but ends up being the last straw that breaks the camel’s back.

And it showed me that God truly does work in mysterious ways (tired of the clichés?)

It gave me the boost I needed, that faith I needed to just go on, to just do my part and trust God to do the rest, whatever way He sees fit. After all, what I am writing, I am not writing for me, I am writing for God; and I will keep doing that for as long as he requires it of me, whether or not I see the results, cuz I know somewhere, somehow, the ripples are spreading, guided by God…

Time

Yesterday I heard someone say, “I no longer have the time to waste going to pray all the time.” Ok, so that’s a rough translation, but that was the intended meaning. My very first reaction was to grin, (yeah, I have a strange sense of humor), I’ve read over and over again that there is always time to pray, always, and the more time you actually give to prayer, the more time you’ll actually find for prayer. (It probably doesn’t seem to make much sense, but what do you know, it actually works!!)

But then I got to thinking, how much time do I actually have for God? How much time a day do I actually dedicate to God? I am not the kind who can get into a longwinded prayer about anything. I think the longest I’ve actually prayed, as in actually spoken has been five minutes!! My friends, some of them anyway, find that a bit strange, but I always tell them, God already knows what I want, what I need, He gave me those desires, those wantings, there’s already a plan for them to be fulfilled, and yes, I will pray, I will ask for what I want, I will thank him for what I’ve received, for what He’s done for me, but I don’t see the point of repeating all that in the space of five minutes!! I guess I’m drifting off point now, I can’t profess to know much about prayer, so don’t take my word as the truth, I could be the misguided one.

Back to the topic, how much time do we actually put aside for God? I remember telling myself that the first two hours of my day would be for God; that is the time during which I travel to work, but more often than not, I am not even thinking about God!! So how can I profess to dedicate time to God when I don’t even remember Him during that time? And even when I do, its just a “Hello Big Guy, thanks for getting me up this morning, please guide my steps this day…” Technically, that is enough, for a prayer anyway (I think), but God actually wants to have a relationship with me, that might be enough for a prayer, but it certainly isn’t something to build a relationship on!!

And then when I do get round to doing my devotional, I’m sometimes in a hurry to get it done, to move on with my life, the life He has given me!! And in that hurry I only rarely get the full message intended for me that day; sure, I get snippets, but imagine a relationship with any friend where you only hear one word out of every ten they speak? I don’t think you’d get along very well.

So how much time do I actually put aside for God? When I think about it, almost none!! I definitely do not want to end up like that lady I overheard, but when I look at my life, that is the path I am walking along, so now I’m trying to change, but even in that I need His help, His grace coz I know I cannot do that on my own.

I’m not going to say do this and do that and all, I am just asking you to just look at your self, your life and honestly answer the question “How much time do you put aside for God?”

Have a blessed week.

Patterns

Do you ever wonder why something you don’t quite understand is happening in your life? Random events that don’t seem to make much sense? I definitely have. I came across something the other day that I thought I would share, in the original authors words instead of trying to make it sound like my own. . So anyway, here goes…

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering.

I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "My son, you go about your playing for awhile, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side."

I would wonder why she was using dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come sit on my knee." This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset.

I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy.

Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to God in heaven and said, " What is going on here? What are you doing?" He has answered, "I am embroidering your life." I responded, "But it looks like a mess to me down here. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?"

"My child,” a powerful voice from above said, “ you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side."

PS. I haven’t exactly asked for permission to use this, it was simply emailed to me, if anyone knows who wrote it I’d be happy to give them credit, or take it down if they don’t like it posted here.

P.P.S. the original message was from joke-of-the-day, so credit goes to Rex Barker for that.

Psalm 23

Ok, so I have no idea what to write, but something just told me to open ms word. I have, now what? Let’s see…

Have you ever read Psalm 23? Ok, so you probably have, but I mean really, not to cram it, not just because everyone seems to have read it, have you ever read Psalm 23 just for yourself? Have you ever felt the words while you read it, ever felt like they were speaking directly to your soul? I just did, well not right now, but a few days ago. I was flipping through my Bible looking for the Bible reading out of my devotional and I kinda just stumbled across it.

I still don’t know for sure why I read it, but somehow the words seemed different, seemed somehow truer than they’d always been (if that’s possible!!).

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…”

That reminds me of a story I’ve heard repeated quite a bit, of a kid who failed to memorize the whole Psalm and when called to recite is simply said, “The Lord is my shepherd, and that is all I need to know.”

The first time I read it, it brought a smile to my face, but now what I’m thinking is, “soo true.” The Lord is my shepherd, my true shepherd. He watches over me, takes care of me, loves me more than a mother would love her child,

“He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.”

and if ever I should lose my way, He will search for me, reach for me and bring me back home,

“He restores my soul, He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

The problem with us, His flock, is that we’re a willful bunch, always trying to reach for the greenest patch of grass. Even when he warns us that it is in a dangerous place; that we will lose ourselves if we go for it, like the willful children we are, we go on and do it, go on and taste that beautifully succulent grass, oblivious to the wolf watching with hungry eyes…

But,

“Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over”

Yea, even though the wolf seeks to devour me, I will fear no evil, for He is always with me, even when I turn my back on Him, He never ever turns His back on me.

My Lord said to me, “I am the door of the sheep…” Nothing can get to me without His say so, nothing can force its way to me without having to first go through Him, and “…if the Lord is for me, who can stand against me?” Who indeed? Even the Satan himself had to petition God to raise a hand against Job!! That is how protected I am, that is how secure I am with my Lord and Saviour.

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me; All the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord; Forever.”

Need I say more?

The preacher in church today mentioned that Psalm 23 is from the fast food section of the Bible, a quick bite and you’re good to go. Maybe that is so, but it certainly is not junk. Go read it for yourself without my mumbo jumbo killing the flow.

Be blessed as you read...

Guidance

Do you believe that God guides us? That whether we know it or not, He lays out a path for us, and leads us along that path, always seeking what’s best for us, always seeking the path that will make us better, help us grow, bring us or someone close to us closer to Him? I do, coz I have been guided, and I know that that path we must tread, that journey we must take…it’s never easy, but it’s always worth it…

Have you ever prayed desperately for something? Poured out your heart to God in the almost certain hope that this one prayer He will simply have to answer, coz you have no idea how to go on without that one thing? I have; I remember praying desperately that my girlfriend would be healed at a miracle crusade we attended together; I remember praying that she wouldn’t have to go through the indignity, the pain, the discomfort of going through surgery to sort out a what seemed like a really simple problem to me. I have never liked hospitals, never liked the idea of even being in one so the idea of her having to be admitted, even for just a couple of days, to me was unbearable.

I remember hoping afterward that when she went for a checkup, they would find the problem cleared; remember how much hope I invested in that one simple prayer. My prayer wasn’t answered. At least, not the way I hoped. For a while I did not understand why that had happened, did not want to accept that she would have to go through with the surgery. For a while, it hurt, it really hurt.

The day of the surgery came. I was at the hospital even before she was, still really hating the idea that she would have to go through that. For the next two days I literally camped out at the hospital, always within sight of her, reluctant to even go out to get something for myself to eat, always wondering why she had to go through that, why when I had prayed as well as I knew how, when I had believed as well as I could that she would be healed.

My extended family has never been really close, it has always just been me and my Mum (a really amazing Lady too, btw), she raised me, made me the person I am today, and I have always been a loner, more comfortable on my own than in a group, never the one to get up and reach out. Family meant almost nothing to me, my Mum is more my friend than anything, and I am really thankful for that, but I never knew how important family was, I never knew how to trust another person completely, knowing that they wanted only the best for me…and in a way I never really knew how to trust God, how to lean on Him and just trust that He was in control and everything, everything, would be fine…

…Until those two days I spent in that hospital. I waited and watched, waited and watched. Watched her siblings come and go, saw how much they meant to her and her to them, saw how much they cared, saw how they supported each other, I saw how a family was meant to work, saw the love, the trust that they shared. And it opened up something within me. In those two days, I learnt the value of family, better than any books could teach.

My desperate prayer was not answered, the miracle I was hoping for, I did not get, but I got better, I got so much better. She was healed, and in a way, so was I. I learnt to trust, learnt to let go completely, to give in completely when I know that someone wants the best for me, just like God always wants the best for me. And in a way, I learnt to trust God even more, I learnt to give myself to Him in a way that I only thought was fantasy before. And yes, I have grown in the Lord. For that I am grateful.

Gifts

I have the gift of writing; I think I’ve always known that to some extent, at least, since I was about 10. And I’ve always wanted to write, not just be writer, but to actually write. I enjoy fantasy, reading it, watching it, and occasionally just drifting off into worlds of my own creationl, so naturally, that’s where my writing led me; to explore new worlds that I created, that only I could fully know. Once I actually thought of just living off writing, sure, I may not be the best writer out there, but untutored, untaught, I found I could write just as well as several of the big names out there, sometimes even better, I think; maybe that’s just my pride…

I remember when I was twelve I started to throw a few ideas onto paper. I was impressed with what I came up with and a year later, so was my teacher. A man who seemed to make it his personal goal to build the writing skills of his students, we were three then, three exceptional students who always competed to see who would get full marks. We all usually did. I remember writing out one book, all 24 chapters of it, and putting down the rough plan for the twelve that would follow it.

And I remember praying that God would help me to realize my dream of becoming a writer, that He would help me develop my writing to the point that I could actually successfully write and market at least that one series of books; most of the story is still locked up in my head, only part of it has actually made it onto paper.

But while I prayed that God would help me realize my dream, I never considered what His plans were for my life, never considered that this precious gift (make no mistake, writing is hard) could have been given to me for His glory and not for my own. I remember when I realized that, when I realized that I was asking God to help me write for my sake, not for His.

No, I wasn’t ashamed; I saw no reason to be. I actually went on to ask that He at least let me write that one series, that one story, get it done with and then I would do whatever He asked me to do, then I would do His will, but only after He had done mine; after all, I had the gift, I could write and I could always choose what to write. It never occurred to me then that what I was actually saying was, “give me this much for myself, just this much, and I will give the rest to You…”

Then I stopped writing. It wasn’t intentional, wasn’t conscious, it just happened. Yes, for a while I might have been angry, but more than that I was frustrated. I had so much to write, so much I wanted to tell whoever could read, but I just could not get it out of my head. Believe me, I tried.

And then slowly, reluctantly, came acceptance. God has asked for nothing less than my all, nothing less than everything I am. Nothing less. He created me, everything He has blessed me with has been for a reason, has been for His glory, taking away even one tiny bit for myself, for my glory would be going against His will, His perfect will for my life.

Maybe someday I will get that story out of my head, maybe someday people will read it across the globe, yes, I still hope for that. But if that ever does happen, I pray that it will be first for God’s glory and much more than my own.

Sacrifice

Just this morning I re-dedicated my life to God. No, that doesn’t mean I went to church and answered an alter-call or anything like that, it just means that on my way to work, as I walked that 2kms to the office, I started to pray, just started by thanking God for all He has done for me… a task that I think is pretty impossible, thanking Him for everything I mean, coz there is just so much… so much… But I tried, at least, I like to think that I tried. And after all that, there was really no choice in the matter; if you think about it, God has done all this for you, all that you have, that you call yours is yours because God has given it to you. That house you live in, that meal you just ate less than four hours ago, God in his infinite grace has given it to you, whether you choose to believe that or not. He gave his son for you; He gave His life for you, dying on the cross that He might pay the price for your sins, for my sins… and yet still, we have more, much more than we need; ad all He asks for is for us, just us as flawed as we are, as imperfect as we are, God loves us and will do anything for us.

I think of the sacrifices the Israelites had to make for God. There was constantly a burnt offering on the alter “for a sweet aroma to God…” the words actually used in the Bible. He asked them for all that, and because they were God’s people, they gave willingly, most of the time anyway. Now it comes to us; we are not required to offer a hundred and one sacrifices everyday to please God. No, He has asked for one sacrifice; you, me of you, as you are; offer yourself as a living sacrifice to God . But do we? Do I? sure, I try, I’m pretty sure we all have at one point or other. Problem with a living sacrifice as I read somewhere, it’s alive, and it is bound to go crawling off that alter at one point. I know I have crawled off that alter several times, more times than I can count actually. But with God’s mercy, and His grace, somewhere somehow I have almost always found it in my heart to go crawling back, feeling unworthy of His love, but crawling back nonetheless, begging for the forgiveness whose price He has already paid on the cross and for a while at least, feeling cleansed, feeling the true beauty of His love…

But something always comes by, the voice of this world seems sweeter and yes, I crawl off again. I’m not going far Lord, just want to see what its like to be off this alter for a while, I’m getting cramps just sitting here!! I say to him. But then Jesus did not have the chance to complain when He was up on that cross, no, He endured the pain, the suffering, the ridicule- and He is the King of kings, Lord of lords, who am I to complain about a little discomfort?

I could say glue yourself to that alter and never leave, never ever even think of putting a foot on the ground. That’s what it should be, true, but in this world we live in, more often than not, it seems like the hardest thing to do. Sooner or later we forget the price Jesus Christ paid for us on that cross and we hop of that alter and go for a tour of the world.

When that happens, I find it in my heart to come back to God, to climb back onto that alter and make up my mind to endure it, no matter what; after all, there is joy in serving God, joy like no other. And whenever I feel too unworthy to ask for forgiveness, I always have to remind myself that I do not have to earn it, no matter what I do, I cannot earn it, I never did in the first place; but one Man, has paid the price; for you, for me, for everyone who just believes in Him; and he is waiting for me, just for me. And he always says “Welcome...”

Grace

I’m sitting here, just thinking. I haven’t written anything for the blog in just over a week and I’m wondering where to start, what to write. Still no idea, so if I wander a bit, just enjoy the scenery until we get back on track… I’m literally doing this on faith…

I was thinking earlier about how much I’ve changed without realizing it, how far along this road God has brought me, safely, happily, yeah sure, there are rough patches and parts where the road doesn’t seem to exist at all, but He’s always been there to hold me up, always been there to actually drag me to my feet and set me back on that path even when I was very reluctant to.

I remember times when I felt filthy, literally filthy from something I’d done, it didn’t even have to be something big, (okay, everything is big with God, but you get what I mean, I hope), just the wrong thought crossing my mind, hearing that tiny voice and covering my ears and yelling to drown out its sound. And then my conscience would start in on me, like I said, sometimes I felt so filthy I actually needed to take an actual shower, but that never helped, never ever, cuz the filth was always on the inside, not in a place where the water would get to it, the only thing that could cleanse it was God, only him. And yet at those times I felt too filthy to even think of crawling into his presence to say a prayer – have you ever felt too filthy to pray? Ever? It is not a good feeling!!

At those times, eventually I would try to forgive myself first, or would just whisper a prayer, never expecting it to even reach God’s ears, not from one such as me. But never once did that simple prayer go unanswered, never once!! And people today complain that God never hears their prayers, He heard mine, he answered mine, still does so on a regular basis, I mean, after all, I can’t claim not to be a sinner, and yet I can still claim the salvation that I have done nothing to earn.

And in those times I remember feeling what felt like the full benevolence of God’s love for me, no, not for us, not for the human race coz at such times it was much more personal, it was God’s love for me! It has sustained me, it has kept me going, His love, His mercy, His Grace, can’t have one without the others and they always work together, always to show us the filth we are accustomed to and slowly draw us out, slowly wash us clean…

I can’t claim to be wholly clean yet, cuz still I have that really bad habit of crawling out into the mud (ever noticed how much fun a kid has playing in the mud?) and playing to my hearts content. But sooner or later I have to go back to my Father’s door, sooner or later (more sooner than later these days J) I have to beg for His forgiveness and he always, without fail, he always pick me up, lifts me out of the mud and gives me a dunking that sometimes leaves me gasping for breath from the joy that can only come from God… and people wonder why I almost always have a smile on my face…

And someday, someday I won’t want to go out and play in the mud, someday I will be content to remain clean in His Love, remain clean in His Grace… it’s part of growing up, is it not? And even then, if I stumble and fall, if I filth myself in the mud again, His Mercy will always be there for me, His love for me greater than any father can possibly have for his son, greater than even a mother’s love…

I have that giddy grin on my face again… yes, I am happy, I am doing my Father’s will, every once in a while I can at least try to give Him a reason to smile…

Pretty sure you’ve heard people say, “God told me this,” or, “God said this.” Ever wondered what it was like? I know I have. There was a time when I went around asking practically everyone I know, “how do you know God is speaking to you? How does God speak to you anyway?” At first I used to imagine there was maybe a large voice that seemed to come from nowhere, something that invoked awe at the very least.

But as time has gone by, as I have grown as a Christian, I have come to notice that God does indeed speak to us, not always through words, sometimes it’s something you’ve always seen but somehow seems different that day, sometimes it’s through something that totally unexpected, like a mango falling on your head, I’m not sure what that would mean though. :-). And yes, sometimes you actually do hear the words, not a loud awe-inspiring voice that will drown out everything around it, but a still quiet voice that is rather easy to miss, but yes, once you do hear it, listen to it the awe is in there somewhere…

So how do you know God is talking to you? Another question I asked quite a bit. You just do. Somehow, somewhere there is no doubt as to where that message is coming from. Sure, you can decide to ignore it, its rather easy to, almost too easy, but it always catches up to you… I remember watching a series that was the kind I would definitely like, I remember hearing hat warning; that this is definitely bad for you… I remember ignoring it… I remember finding the books it was based on, reading them and actually enjoying them, but still, at the back of my mind something kept telling me, stay away from those books, yes, they seem harmless, they are definitely a good read; but they are bad for your soul… I ignored it. But at a certain point what I was reading turned so ugly that even I who never wants to skip a word when reading a book skipped almost an entire chapter; by then I had drowned out that voice of warning, but looking back, I realized how easily the book had turned from something very light and funny, to something dark and sinister, taking me along for the ride. Yes, I stopped reading the books then, about ten books into the series, and by then I could feel the damage that had been done, I knew suddenly so clearly what that voice had been warning me against. Sure, I heal, but even the shallowest wounds leave a shadow on your skin, for a while at least

All you have to do is keep your mind open to God, let him in, and sooner or later you will hear it, without a doubt. Sounds easy, huh? The hard part comes in listening to that voice; sometimes it seems like nothing more than a suggestion; but we have been given the gift of free will right? I guess hearing that gigantic awe-inspiring voice would infringe on that; I mean, who on hearing the direct word of God would even consider disobeying it?

I remember thinking I would keep this thing I am doing, this stuff I am writing to myself until I had a few, until I was sure I could keep it going, but I heard that still voice again, heard it just when I was wondering, “now what do I write?” three simple words “Keep the faith…” sure, they could mean anything, it could mean I shouldn’t give up on any number of things, could mean however bad things get, just hang in there, things will get better, but at that particular moment, even though there were a hundred and one things running through my mind, I had no doubt what it meant…

As one of the heroes in a game I enjoy playing keeps saying, “I hear and obey.” This time at least, I will obey, and pray for God’s grace that I may always do so. Have a blessed week. Thanks for reading.

A beginning

Hey, ever noticed that kid in front of you who can never seem to raise his hands during worship? Who always stands stiffly through it all, seemingly just enduring what’s going on? The one who never responds to an altar call and always seems to be in a hurry to leave church? Introducing… me. I’m nothing special, just another guy on the street, one you wouldn’t look twice at. I got born again sometime more than a year ago, I try to tithe, notice; try, sometimes even that 10% seems too hard to let go, sometimes the world seems to call too loudly and I forget to listen for that still small voice that keeps me on the straight and narrow, sometimes I just choose to ignore it completely, knowing outright what I am doing is wrong.

I have tried to look at my strengths, places where I can serve God, I remember almost volunteering when the web site at church was launched, coz after all, I do know something about computers, but I wanted to do something that would not draw me out of my comfort zone. I remember thinking, maybe I can join one of these online Christian groups, counseling, write a few articles, I even thought of starting my own blog!!(well, what do you know, actually doing that now :-)) But through all that, I was too lazy, too comfortable with who I am, too reluctant to even give that much of me to God, to Jesus who gave his life for me on the cross. Even now, I am writing this, but I don’t know if I will still have the inclination to take it to church sometime, for whoever wants to read…

So you see, I am just a normal guy, hopelessly flawed. I claim to be born again, yes, I have given my life to Christ, in word at least, just one question, have I really? True, I have never killed anyone, l but then again, I don’t know personally anyone who has, I think that could be one of the easiest commandments to keep, if you take it literally. I respect my mother, not so much my dad, sure I have excuses that sound genuine to my ears, but God has asked for no excuses, none. And from then on, it just seems to go downhill. No I don’t lie, but you see, even that is a lie, it is so easy to lie, so much easier to lie than to tell the truth sometimes. Ever told someone on the phone that you were somewhere you are not? And then afterwards you’re like, “ah, the beauty of mobile phones!!” Ever told someone you’re busy when really you just don’t want to put aside that tiny slice of time for them? I know I have…

The first commandment, another very easy one to break… “You shall have no other gods before Me!!” I can almost hear you think now, saying to yourself how you have only worshipped the one true God and no other. Just answer this, have you ever been in church but had your mind drifting to somewhere else you would much rather be? Has God called you to do something and you have flat out refused or come up with a million and one excuses? Have you ever shoved God aside for your own convenience? Ever considered that by breaking any single one of the laws He has set for you, you are breaking this one too? For you are saying, no God, you are not Supreme, my reasoning in this case is. This deal I am chasing is so time sensitive I don’t even have the time to kneel and say a short prayer… Do you even realize what you are doing when you say that? Anytime you place anything above God for any reason, however small and simple that may seem, you are in effect having something else take the place of God…

I am not perfect, far from it, but in journey so far, short as it may seem, I have come to realize a few important truths…

I am just a child in the spirit, a toddler who yearns to grow but is not yet willing to give up what is necessary for me to grow. Writing this has been a first step for me. If you have actually read this far, I ask you to join me, walk with me, as we find our way back to the Lord, back to Christ… back home.