T'is Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home...

Take care

Despair

There are times when my faith seems to be slipping away from me, times when I wonder where this path I’m treading is leading me; and yes, times when I wonder if I am indeed one of God’s chosen. Have you ever felt that? Yeah, I know the typical answer is pray, just pray, give in to God and everything will be okay…

But have you ever failed to pray? Have you ever had that willingness to pray seeped away by despair, by numbing despair and the twisted feeling that after all, no one out there cares; after all, if He did, this wouldn’t have happened, or that would be going better or something like that?

Have you ever struggled to wake up every morning hoping desperately that your day is going to be better but knowing for a certainty that that slippery slope you’re standing on is just going to get even slimier… when suddenly every selfish thought comes to the fore and you’re thinking; “Why not? After all, no one cares…”

Have you ever been there? I have… I have fought that feeling tooth and nail knowing its nothing but an insidious lie; reminding myself of the people who care about me (and there are quite a few), reminding myself that God always cares for me, always loves me, even when I selfishly turn my back on Him…

I have fought that feeling, fought that lie with everything I have in me; still I feel myself slipping. And everyday it gets easier to just fold into myself, shut myself away from the people who do care about me and then blame it on God. Everyday temptation gets more tempting…Every single day that darkness gets more cloying, filthier, stickier, muckier, harder to fight through, and yet somehow, in some strange way, more inviting…

And no, I cannot see the end of the tunnel.

But I can fight to hang on to my faith, when it slips from my grasp, when I stumble and fall, I can force myself back to my feet coz as long as I’m alive, there’s a reason to go on, as long as I’ve seen the light, reveled in it, I can fight towards it even when I can’t see it just then coz I know its out there, coz that still voice, when it breaks through, is always saying the same thing; God never sends you more than you can handle and His mercies are new every morning… every morning…

I remind myself that all things happen for the good of those who love the Lord and are called to His purpose; and I remember that He who has began a good work in me will see it through to completion…

And for a while, just a moment sometimes; I can soar again…

Ripples

I wrote this a few weeks back, but just didn't post it then, kinda feels like i'm in that place again.

I seem to have lost my way for a while, especially with my writing. It seemed like no one was reading what I’ve been writing, like there’s been no reason for me to go on, after all, if no one is reading what I write, what’s the point, right?

So for a while, I haven’t written a thing, the few posts I had somehow manage to write in my first week on blogger are all I’ve been posting. And I’ve pretty much lost my way in trying to get people to visit the blog. Even though it has almost nothing on it, so far, I found myself being more concerned about people coming to read what I have written rather than actually writing.

Just a few days ago I felt so discouraged I was even asking God, “Lord, give me a sign, just any sign that someone out there is reading this stuff, give me a reason to go on…” I didn’t get any obvious answer then. I mentioned quitting to my girlfriend (yes, I have a girlfriend, most amazing lady this side of the equator…but then again, I am a guy in love, prone to writing drivel when it comes to her. ) and she wouldn’t hear of it.

So I posted another, sent a rough draft to a friend to look over, and his reply raised my spirits, in effect gave me a reason, however simple, to go on. You know what paper looks like when it has gone through a shredder? Yeah, that’s what my draft looked like when he was through with it. But it was what he added to it that really raised my spirits. 

“Incidentally I'm going to follow in your footsteps and write something for my church newsletter this week”

Okay, so maybe it isn’t exactly the answer to a prayer, but something about that simple statement made me really happy. It was like, sure, my writing wasn’t exactly reaching out to my intended audience…yet, but it was making a difference, however small, it was making a difference. And in a way it opened my eyes to one of the ways in which God works… I mean, maybe none of this stuff will ever be read by anyone else, maybe, but what if the articles he writes go on to touch hundreds of lives, go on to change people, to make the idea of salvation real for them. In that case, my work here will have been worth it, is worth it. Kinda made me realize that even the smallest things we do, however unimportant, always have a ripple effect, something small turns out to be something huge. Or maybe, something small, remains small, unimportant, but ends up being the last straw that breaks the camel’s back.

And it showed me that God truly does work in mysterious ways (tired of the clichés?)

It gave me the boost I needed, that faith I needed to just go on, to just do my part and trust God to do the rest, whatever way He sees fit. After all, what I am writing, I am not writing for me, I am writing for God; and I will keep doing that for as long as he requires it of me, whether or not I see the results, cuz I know somewhere, somehow, the ripples are spreading, guided by God…

Time

Yesterday I heard someone say, “I no longer have the time to waste going to pray all the time.” Ok, so that’s a rough translation, but that was the intended meaning. My very first reaction was to grin, (yeah, I have a strange sense of humor), I’ve read over and over again that there is always time to pray, always, and the more time you actually give to prayer, the more time you’ll actually find for prayer. (It probably doesn’t seem to make much sense, but what do you know, it actually works!!)

But then I got to thinking, how much time do I actually have for God? How much time a day do I actually dedicate to God? I am not the kind who can get into a longwinded prayer about anything. I think the longest I’ve actually prayed, as in actually spoken has been five minutes!! My friends, some of them anyway, find that a bit strange, but I always tell them, God already knows what I want, what I need, He gave me those desires, those wantings, there’s already a plan for them to be fulfilled, and yes, I will pray, I will ask for what I want, I will thank him for what I’ve received, for what He’s done for me, but I don’t see the point of repeating all that in the space of five minutes!! I guess I’m drifting off point now, I can’t profess to know much about prayer, so don’t take my word as the truth, I could be the misguided one.

Back to the topic, how much time do we actually put aside for God? I remember telling myself that the first two hours of my day would be for God; that is the time during which I travel to work, but more often than not, I am not even thinking about God!! So how can I profess to dedicate time to God when I don’t even remember Him during that time? And even when I do, its just a “Hello Big Guy, thanks for getting me up this morning, please guide my steps this day…” Technically, that is enough, for a prayer anyway (I think), but God actually wants to have a relationship with me, that might be enough for a prayer, but it certainly isn’t something to build a relationship on!!

And then when I do get round to doing my devotional, I’m sometimes in a hurry to get it done, to move on with my life, the life He has given me!! And in that hurry I only rarely get the full message intended for me that day; sure, I get snippets, but imagine a relationship with any friend where you only hear one word out of every ten they speak? I don’t think you’d get along very well.

So how much time do I actually put aside for God? When I think about it, almost none!! I definitely do not want to end up like that lady I overheard, but when I look at my life, that is the path I am walking along, so now I’m trying to change, but even in that I need His help, His grace coz I know I cannot do that on my own.

I’m not going to say do this and do that and all, I am just asking you to just look at your self, your life and honestly answer the question “How much time do you put aside for God?”

Have a blessed week.

Patterns

Do you ever wonder why something you don’t quite understand is happening in your life? Random events that don’t seem to make much sense? I definitely have. I came across something the other day that I thought I would share, in the original authors words instead of trying to make it sound like my own. . So anyway, here goes…

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering.

I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "My son, you go about your playing for awhile, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side."

I would wonder why she was using dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come sit on my knee." This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset.

I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy.

Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to God in heaven and said, " What is going on here? What are you doing?" He has answered, "I am embroidering your life." I responded, "But it looks like a mess to me down here. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?"

"My child,” a powerful voice from above said, “ you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side."

PS. I haven’t exactly asked for permission to use this, it was simply emailed to me, if anyone knows who wrote it I’d be happy to give them credit, or take it down if they don’t like it posted here.

P.P.S. the original message was from joke-of-the-day, so credit goes to Rex Barker for that.

Psalm 23

Ok, so I have no idea what to write, but something just told me to open ms word. I have, now what? Let’s see…

Have you ever read Psalm 23? Ok, so you probably have, but I mean really, not to cram it, not just because everyone seems to have read it, have you ever read Psalm 23 just for yourself? Have you ever felt the words while you read it, ever felt like they were speaking directly to your soul? I just did, well not right now, but a few days ago. I was flipping through my Bible looking for the Bible reading out of my devotional and I kinda just stumbled across it.

I still don’t know for sure why I read it, but somehow the words seemed different, seemed somehow truer than they’d always been (if that’s possible!!).

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…”

That reminds me of a story I’ve heard repeated quite a bit, of a kid who failed to memorize the whole Psalm and when called to recite is simply said, “The Lord is my shepherd, and that is all I need to know.”

The first time I read it, it brought a smile to my face, but now what I’m thinking is, “soo true.” The Lord is my shepherd, my true shepherd. He watches over me, takes care of me, loves me more than a mother would love her child,

“He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.”

and if ever I should lose my way, He will search for me, reach for me and bring me back home,

“He restores my soul, He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

The problem with us, His flock, is that we’re a willful bunch, always trying to reach for the greenest patch of grass. Even when he warns us that it is in a dangerous place; that we will lose ourselves if we go for it, like the willful children we are, we go on and do it, go on and taste that beautifully succulent grass, oblivious to the wolf watching with hungry eyes…

But,

“Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over”

Yea, even though the wolf seeks to devour me, I will fear no evil, for He is always with me, even when I turn my back on Him, He never ever turns His back on me.

My Lord said to me, “I am the door of the sheep…” Nothing can get to me without His say so, nothing can force its way to me without having to first go through Him, and “…if the Lord is for me, who can stand against me?” Who indeed? Even the Satan himself had to petition God to raise a hand against Job!! That is how protected I am, that is how secure I am with my Lord and Saviour.

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me; All the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord; Forever.”

Need I say more?

The preacher in church today mentioned that Psalm 23 is from the fast food section of the Bible, a quick bite and you’re good to go. Maybe that is so, but it certainly is not junk. Go read it for yourself without my mumbo jumbo killing the flow.

Be blessed as you read...

Guidance

Do you believe that God guides us? That whether we know it or not, He lays out a path for us, and leads us along that path, always seeking what’s best for us, always seeking the path that will make us better, help us grow, bring us or someone close to us closer to Him? I do, coz I have been guided, and I know that that path we must tread, that journey we must take…it’s never easy, but it’s always worth it…

Have you ever prayed desperately for something? Poured out your heart to God in the almost certain hope that this one prayer He will simply have to answer, coz you have no idea how to go on without that one thing? I have; I remember praying desperately that my girlfriend would be healed at a miracle crusade we attended together; I remember praying that she wouldn’t have to go through the indignity, the pain, the discomfort of going through surgery to sort out a what seemed like a really simple problem to me. I have never liked hospitals, never liked the idea of even being in one so the idea of her having to be admitted, even for just a couple of days, to me was unbearable.

I remember hoping afterward that when she went for a checkup, they would find the problem cleared; remember how much hope I invested in that one simple prayer. My prayer wasn’t answered. At least, not the way I hoped. For a while I did not understand why that had happened, did not want to accept that she would have to go through with the surgery. For a while, it hurt, it really hurt.

The day of the surgery came. I was at the hospital even before she was, still really hating the idea that she would have to go through that. For the next two days I literally camped out at the hospital, always within sight of her, reluctant to even go out to get something for myself to eat, always wondering why she had to go through that, why when I had prayed as well as I knew how, when I had believed as well as I could that she would be healed.

My extended family has never been really close, it has always just been me and my Mum (a really amazing Lady too, btw), she raised me, made me the person I am today, and I have always been a loner, more comfortable on my own than in a group, never the one to get up and reach out. Family meant almost nothing to me, my Mum is more my friend than anything, and I am really thankful for that, but I never knew how important family was, I never knew how to trust another person completely, knowing that they wanted only the best for me…and in a way I never really knew how to trust God, how to lean on Him and just trust that He was in control and everything, everything, would be fine…

…Until those two days I spent in that hospital. I waited and watched, waited and watched. Watched her siblings come and go, saw how much they meant to her and her to them, saw how much they cared, saw how they supported each other, I saw how a family was meant to work, saw the love, the trust that they shared. And it opened up something within me. In those two days, I learnt the value of family, better than any books could teach.

My desperate prayer was not answered, the miracle I was hoping for, I did not get, but I got better, I got so much better. She was healed, and in a way, so was I. I learnt to trust, learnt to let go completely, to give in completely when I know that someone wants the best for me, just like God always wants the best for me. And in a way, I learnt to trust God even more, I learnt to give myself to Him in a way that I only thought was fantasy before. And yes, I have grown in the Lord. For that I am grateful.